Can You Follow God and Fail?

Here’s a little something I’ve been thinking about lately. Can you follow God and fail miserably? I’ve come across several examples where Christians have had to make difficult choices - some led to success and others to failure. Yet, both groups felt they were “following” God’s desire in those decisions. On top of that, there are a lot of Christians today who will tell you that your ability to follow God’s will determines your worldly success and material blessing. In some ways, I certainly believe that’s legitimate (a post for another day, mind you). But there are also times I see people following the scriptures the best they know how and fail miserably. Unfortunately, these people often get a martyr’s complex and talk about their cross to bear or their mansion in heaven. And honestly, that just turns everyone off. There’s got to be more to it than that. Often these folks will chide other Christians for believing in some sort of “prosperity gospel.” But who’s letting their circumstances dictate their view of God more? Sorry, I think it’s the martyrs. Hmmm…

Pastors are always put in this dilemma. If you choose to follow the Bible by admonishing your congregation to live a lifestyle devoted to God, you’re gonna alienate some people. If you are discipling someone and express concern over gross misbehavior in their lives (even after they have given you authority to do so) they are gonna be angry about it. Trust me. They will. But the question for anyone involved in ministry is this: “Is it worth the risk?” I’m not making blanket generalizations here. Some churches who hold a high standards of living for their congregation are megachurch size. But there are a whole lot that aren’t – and that seems to be the norm.  Pastors are continually confronted with the fact that following God by promoting authentic holiness in a church environment actually will cause their ministry to fail…or at least shrink.

So, can you follow God and fail miserably? Absolutely. That’s part of counting the cost, whether you get your paycheck from a church or not. I see a couple of reasons fo this – both natural and spiritual. For one, following God with reckless abandon often comes across as countercultural. You can expect people to think you’re weird or extreme or “holier than thou.” The problem here is that people who believe God has called them to a holy lifestyle make the mistake of thinking everyone else is as well. But if God spoke to you, then you’re the only one responsible for answering that call. So maybe their gripes about self-righteousness are legitimate. I know in my life they have been in every instance.

Secondly, God never said following him would be easy. Making hard choices is part of the deal. That’s why there’s all those nice verses about “enduring hardship as a good soldier.” I heard a missionary say one time that “Christianity is supposed to be hard!” Well, maybe, but that’s not some sort of sick badge of honor. Sometimes life just gets difficult whether you choose to spiritualize it or not. Finally, material blessing is not always related to following God – in fact, following God will sometimes make you dirt poor! At the same time there are plenty of people who are successful who don’t even know God exists. The point is: follow God regardless of the material prosperity or failure it brings. If you say you’re gonna trust him, then do what you say.

So, chances are good that if you follow God, it will inevitably lead to failure by worldly standards. Other times it will lead to ridiculous blessing and success. If you walk with God long enough, you can expect to experience both. And that tells you something: none of us should follow God because we want a particular outcome. We should follow God because he’s God – regardless of present circumstances.

Being a “Yes” Parent

I’m determined to be a “yes” parent. I don’t know if that’s what you call it, but that’s the term I use. See, I tend to want to say “no” before I’m willing to say “yes.” Slowly, I’m breaking myself of that habit. One of the best ways to do this is with your children.

I am firm with my two kids – I get after them about saying “please” and “thank you.” I’ve got them trained at ages three and four to take their paper plates to the trash and put their forks in the sink. We have lots of structure at our house. But when they ask to do something, I always try to say “yes.” Not about simple things like, “Can we play with Play Dough?” but with more unusual requests like, “Can we play in the rain?” or “Can we have a picnic at that empty house they are building down the street?” or “Can we drive to the pet store and look at the puppies?” I used to think, that’s silly and wasteful. Why would they want to do that?  But lately, I find myself thinking, why shouldn’t they be able to do that?  I want to be able to say yes.

What’s so different about that idea? Well, I watch parents tell their kids “no” all the time about insignificant things. Though there may be good reasons for telling them no, when I begin to think about it, I really can’t think of any. The larger issue is that many parents find it easier to control their kids inside a house or feel like an unusual request involves too much work for them. But since when should my convenience limit my children’s ability to interact with the world around them? I hear responses like, “you’ll spoil them if you grant their every wish” or “then they’ll expect it everytime.”

But I’m finding that’s not the case. Children are more willing to quickly obey when they feel that they have had a say in their lives. They’re more willing to help clean up if they just got back from doing something fun that was their idea. They are also more willing to respond favorably when you say, “I just don’t feel like it right now.” It teaches give and take. Cooperation and time sharing. But more importantly, you’re teaching your kids that what they desire is important to you. You’re treating them like you would want to be treated: as someone worthy of respect. Though they may be children, they are human beings with ideas, opinions, and preferences. You are taking them seriously…and that’s all any kid wants. To ignore those desires conveys a subtle message: “I don’t care about your wants and needs.” Does that mean they should get everything they want? Of course not. But chances are better that your children will respect your wishes if they see you going out of your way to respect theirs.

Life Planning 101

Beth and I have gone through a lot of change during the last eight years of marriage. Job changes (6), house changes (3), children (2), cars (4), educational degrees (2), beta fish for our four year old (3). Things rarely stay the same. And that’s just some of the bigger changes – not counting all the little things. Everyone has heard that old saying “the only thing constant in life is change.” And while that’s true, as I sit around and ponder the mysteries of life, that statement needs some qualification.

What I have begun to see is that life actually changes in stages or “chunks” of time. Particular areas of life don’t change constantly. But each one does change between every two and five years. Think about it. The government says you have to live in a house for two years before your aren’t taxed on your net selling gain. High school takes four years. So does undergrad. A new CD by your favorite artist takes one to two years to release. Children’s life stages occur in two to three year periods. If you’re an agressive business person, job opportunities for advancement come along about every two to four years.

Everything happens in stages. So though change is constant, change only occurs in any one area about every two to five years. The constant adjustment to these stages is what makes us feel like things never stay the same. Beth and I are attempting to navigate a new series of stages in our life. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way. With each change you have approximately two to five years to get the most out of that stage of life. For example, with children, what you teach a toddler is different from what you teach a seventh grader. Yet, the chance to use that period of time well rests on your ability to adapt quickly to that new stage. Or jobs, for example. Learn the most at your job knowing that within two to five years you will be confronted with the opportunity to learn another job. So, learn everything you can at your present one. If you have a good paying job now, stuff as much money away as you can knowing that in two to five years, things might change.

In the end, good life planning begins with being able to step outside of yourself and your personal desires and make quality decisions that best fit within your present stage of life. From what I can tell, there are only a few really important eseentials to emphasize in each stage. Find out what those are and harp on them mercilessly until change brings a new set of values and goals your way. Each stage has its particular lessons of life. Don’t miss them looking forward to change ahead. Embrace your “stages” of living now, knowing that your present attention will pay off down the road.

For me it’s kind of like a sporting event where the coach tells you to “leave everything out on the field.” Each game only last 60 minutes – but you have to play the whole time. And when the next game begins, even though the rules are different, you still play all 60 minutes. Stages in life are like that. Two to five years moves quickly if you don’t actively participate in it. Play each of the stages in your life like they are only 60 minutes long. And in each area – marriage, family, job, church, etc., make sure you “leave everything out on the field.” And that means planning your life in periods of two to five years.

Stay at Home Parenting Is a Great Gig

I haven’t talked about stay at home life in a little while. As much as I have attempted to convey the difficulties associated with the stay at home life, it really is a good gig. The problems are certainly there and unique to that lifestyle, but plenty of problems still remain for the working parent as well. What’s interesting about that is, as someone who has done both, the problems are equal in intensity in many ways but also very different. My working wife had to begin rearranging her work calendar days in advance in order to grab just one hour in the afternoon to keep a doctor’s appointment. That’s not a problem I have. Of course, some stay at homers are more busy than others, but I don’t think that’s the norm, particularly as children get older and attend school for several hours a day.

What does become an issue is boredom. Sure, there are plenty of things to do. But most of them are tedious, thankless, maintenance jobs – things that do little to enrich our personal lives. For some stay at home parents, this boredom makes their life unfulfilling. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, boredom for me is an opportunity to do something I might not normally get to do. Some people take this to the extreme and compensate for this boredom in non-constructive ways (shopping all the time certainly qualifies ). But that’s missing the point. Unlike the working parent, being a stay at home parent at least allows you the opportunity to try some things you might not normally get to do – the create your own adventure. Trust me, your working spouse is not doing that at their desk at work. And chances are good they are bored too but can’t do anything about it.

So, as a stay at homer, I am telling all of you other stay at homers out there: you have a good life.  It may not be perfect, but it’s good and many parents, particularly single parents, never get the opportunity to do what you are doing. Don’t wish away the time you have with your children – enjoy it. Actively participate in life and in the shaping of your children’s attitudes and worldview. That’s what makes staying at home worth while. Anyone can put their kid in front of a television. Take the opportunity to do more – simply because the chance to do more actually is a possibility for you and your children. You actually have the ability to determine the outcome of your day. And that makes you a very fortunate person.

Some Good Christian Music to Pick Up…

…in the rock/hard rock category. Not all of these just came out, but they’re the ones that have grabbed my undivided attention over the past few years:

Further Seems Forever, Hide Nothing

Copeland, Eat, Sleep, Repeat

He Is Legend, I Am Hollywood

Mae, Singularity and The Everglow

Extol, The Blueprint Dives

Yellow Second, Altitude

Blindside, About a Burning Fire

Neal Morse, One

Thrice and Anberlin can be thrown in there, too. I know I’m forgetting some good ones. Any other suggestions?

God Makes an Appearance in “Pride and Prejudice”

I watched that movie Pride and Prejudice for the second time the other day. I’ve never read the book but I really like that movie for one reason in particular: Mr. Darcy. He reminds me of God.

When the movie begins, Darcy is painted as a sour, aloof, seemingly condescending individual, unwilling to share in anyone else’s happiness or good fortune. He’s basically a jerk. The heroine, Elizabeth Bennett, certainly thinks so, though she’s attracted to him for some unknown reason. About a third or so through the movie, at a ball, Elizabeth accepts Darcy’s invitation to dance – although the conversation doesn’t go very well during the dance. Elizabeth begins to interrogate Darcy about his actions and demeanor. He questions, “Why do you ask?” She responds, “To make out your character.” Darcy then asks, “And what have you discovered?” Elizabeth sharply remarks, “Very little. To hear such different accounts of you puzzles me exceedingly.” Darcy pauses for a moment and says, “I hope to afford you more clarity in the future then.”

And this is where the story turns. Darcy goes to extreme measure to rescue Elizabeth’s family from a shameful reputation and financial ruin in several cases. Though the actions benefited her family, ultimately the excessive benevolence Darcy lavishes on them is to convince Elizabeth of his love and devotion to her. In the end, his goodness pushes aside her pride and prejudice and wins her affection.

There are a lot of people who say different things about God. But really the only person who speaks for God is…God. Many of these “different accounts” of him serve little purpose other than to drive honest seekers away form Jesus. I suppose all good intentions can be used against their maker when they fall into the hands of those lost in strife, self-centeredness, and self-righteousness. But that doesn’t take away from God’s original intent: to win over your heart, not as some ruthless, brooding, tyrant…but as a loving, patient, gentle Father. God often suffers from the same misperceptions as Darcy did. But if we’ll just get close enough to him, we find that his love and goodness were true all along. Some never get close enough and, consequently, they never receive the answers about God for which they are looking. So, what should they do? Search deeper. You’ll find the character of God you’ve wanted to believe hiding under the brash opinions of those who know little about him – though they often believe they speak on his behalf.

Sometimes you have to dance with “Mr. Darcy” a little longer to uncover the true nature of his affections for you. When you question God’s goodness while you dance with him, he’ll never dismiss your pain or call you foolish for questioning his inscrutable omnipotent will. On the contrary, he’ll whisper in your ear, “I hope to afford you more clarity in the future.”

Christianity and Politics

I watched a little bit of the Democratic debate last night – just enough to know I wanted to find something else. I don’t say that to be rude. Politics just doesn’t interest me. There’s a couple of reasons for this. First, I know my own limitations. I honestly don’t know enough about government and public policy to offer a valid opinion. What scares me is that many of the people I know who do offer political opinions have little more than a surface understanding of political policy (no, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart doesn’t count ). From what I can tell, it takes years to acquire that knowledge. Yet, we all get to vote, which is certainly a privilege, regardless of our depth of knowledge on political issues. I’m certainly thankful for that opportunity but it still amazes me.

Secondly, what really intigues me about politics, though, is the hope that it produces in people. People believe that politics, if done correctly, can solve all manner of societal ill. It reminds me of popular forms of positivism. And there are things that politics can do well. But there’s also a lot politics cannot do. During election times, I see this balance fade from the thinking patterns of conscientious people. What they lose site of most quickly tends to be the fact that politics can do little to change the heart of humanity. Sure it can govern the behaviors that stem from the heart, but rarely does it actually change anything. Christians who are deeply invested in politics will have trouble swallowing that pill. But we have to remember that there are things (big ones) that only God can fix. And though Christians can certainly be politicians, God doesn’t need politics to change the heart of humanity. I heard Wayne Jacobsen give this illustration: People are thankful for the protection and safety that police officers provide. When a police car is behind you, you adjust your speed to accommodate his/her presence and supervision. But when he exits and you keep driving, you don’t turn around to go invite him to dinner. In other words there’s no relationship involved, merely conformity – and that’s civil authority’s Achilles heel…and that includes politics. 

You can put an inmate on death row and do absolutely nothing to change his heart or remove his desire to murder. Putting him to death does nothing to remedy this either – a last minute death bed confession would be forced or contrived. Although I’m sure God will take it, I don’t think that’s what he had in mind. What Christians should be doing is taking back the church’s privilege to attend to the soul of man rather than letting government legislate morality. I heard Greg Boyd give this example: Which person is exhibiting Christian involvement? One pro-life advocate votes against abortion by voting in a booth and feeling they have done their civic duty. Another Christian finds a mother who was considering abortion, invites them into their home, provides for them through the pregnancy, and helps them find a suitable family for adoption. Now, that’s being pro-life. Is there anything wrong with the first one? No – not in the least. But is voting to govern behavior the most someone can do? No. And that’s the rub.

As Christians, we have to learn to see beyond easy avenues of conformity and compliance and find ways to promote real authentic transformation – change that permanently affects the heart. I didn’t hear anyone talking about that on the debate last night…so I changed the channel. Maybe they weren’t talking about it last night because, that’s not the job of politics. It’s the role of the church.

Who Needs Self-Esteem Anyway?

I know a lot of people who aren’t happy. Or at least they aren’t happy for long. Most people ride a roller coaster of reaction to what happens to them in any given day. In America, this is compounded by our affluence. When asked about work, we say, “Oh today was horrible!” When asked why, we mention things like, “I didn’t get that spreadsheet filled out!” or “It took forever to get my special order latte this morning, and that put me behind schedule all day!” Obviously, I’m joking, but we have to admit we really only have “small” problems. We focus on these because of a lack of bigger problems…which is a great “problem” to have.

If I remember correctly, the etymology of the word “happiness” comes from “happenings” – events in life that produce a specific emotion. You are happy when circumstances in your favor produce a sense of relief or elation. In other words, “happy” people rise and fall according to what “happens” to them. If course, if you have to perfect life, you’re always happy. But remember, we’re the same people that complain if our dry cleaning isn’t ready for pickup.

What we should be after is joy. Joy is something different. It’s peace and contentment that remains with us regardless of how our day is going. It’s not circumstantial – it’s permanent. And that’s what scripture says we should seek. Of course, secularists will tell you that they can have joy as well. They believe permanent satisfaction is based upon a healthy self-esteem or self-actualization. If you like yourself, you’ll be content with life, no matter what state your in. That sure does sound nice, doesn’t it? But there’s a problem. Those same people who will tell you to be “happy” with yourself are the same one who often base success in life on jobs, material comfort, intellectual prowess, acquired skills, and community respect. So, really, they’re talking out both sides of their mouth.

We don’t need self-esteem. We need God-esteem. I am convinced that deep down, people think of themselves what they believe God thinks about them. Read that sentence again, people. If you believe God thinks little of you, then you’ll think little of yourself. If you wake up every morning to a God who plans to bully you through adverse circumstances all day to teach you some patience, then your day isn’t going to go very well. Honestly, 99% of events in a day have little effect on your life. Yet, we swing back and forth, acting like insignificant issues are life changing. There are only two reasons for this: 1) we’re bored or 2) we have nothing more permanent to base our outlook on.

God-esteem places full confidence in the permanent character of God. For me, this is based solely on the unyielding love of a God who wants my affection and devotion. Yes, that’s sounds romantic, doesn’t it? It’s because I’m not afraid of God of what he might “do” to me in order to advance his kingdom. So my outlook on life never changes – and my view of myself reflects that permanence of God’s unconditional love. That’s my ultimate “happening” in life…a “happening” that’s above life’s circumstances. And that’s joy. When you can stake your life on the reality that God takes “delight in you with gladness/With his love he will calm all your fears/He will rejoice over you with joyful songs” (Zeph. 3:17) then you have something that gives you permanent joy. That’s what God thinks about you. That’s God-esteem and it’s pivotal to the reality of a deep love-walk with God.

An Unusual Way the Bible Can Affect Your Family for the Better

My wife and I are in the process of reading all of Patrick Lencioni’s management books. I finished my first yesterday: Three Signs of a Miserable Job. If you manage people in any way, you should read these “leadership fables.” Invaluable information…

The Bible is an Eastern book. It has Eastern culture, economics, social stigmas, literary style, etc., at its core. I believe that without this contextual “lens,” the ultimate meaning of the Bible, at best, is less impacting than in Jesus’s time.

However, some aspects of the Bible’s Eastern flavor seem to find their way into our lives without searching for it. Two of them are the Eastern understanding of family roles and the oriental emphasis on shame and honor. It’s significant to me that there are technically two types of “shame” in Eastern societies. One is negative and the other is positive. The negative one condemns inappropriate behavior and the positive one helps individuals “save face” when confronted with a difficult situation. For example the persistent friend in Luke 11:5-8, Westerners assume that the friend banging on the door late at night has commited cultural taboo. But actually, it’s the manwho refuses to open the foor and provide food for a town visitor that would have infuriated Jesus’s listeners. He violated basic oriental cultural standards of hospitality.

Though these Eastern ideas don’t make it into our Bible interpretation very often (which means we usually miss the intended point ), the Christian family can easily adopt these Eastern cultural norms for their own. My family did. We were different than other families I knew just based on emphasis of lifestyle. Though it certainly had to do with our Christianity, it also stemmed from living like an Eastern family in a Western world. Just by studying scripture, my brother and I absorbed Eastern understandings of right and wrong. We valued time, honor, authority, family rank, and so on without really understanding that the cultural emphasis for these concepts came straight outta scripture (not Compton). When I went out with friends or on a date at age 16, I fully understood that my family’s name and honor where on the line with each decision I made. I understood “losing face” without knowing what to call it. That was a greater deterrent than any punishment that may have followed an infraction. My other friends often saw themselves as individuals apart from their families – doing their own thing. I saw myself as part of a larger picture. Honestly, it made my decisions look weird to my friends.

Sometimes, those same cultural understandings, though appropriate for a family unit with children, become burdensome later in life if parents still enforce them on their adult children. But that doesn’t invalidate their usefulness during the parenting years. In fact, they may be vital to helping a child understand the impact his/her decisions make on others. Some of those “Eastern” family practices are still used with my two daughters now. Others aren’t. But I know this much though: families with an Eastern understanding of honor are aware of one another. They respect each other more. And that makes them treat one another better, something all families could use a little more of. 

American Idol and “Shout to the Lord”

I’ve read a few blogs this morning about how great it was to have the American Idol contestants sing “Shout to the Lord” on Idol Gives Back last night. Trust me people, this was not a good thing. In fact, it may be the culmination of praise and worship’s absorption into mainstream culture. I particularly thought the substitution of shepherd for Jesus in the first line of the song was quite telling. If you thought the use of that song was great or if you had a gnawing feeling in your stomach that something about it was terribly wrong, you need to read this. Why was everybody happy to sing along? Because no one can tell the difference anymore. We have officially arrived at the death of praise and worship.

Update: Since this post has received hundreds of hits in the last week, but not as many people visiting the above links, I have posted “The Death of Praise and Worship” below…

I have witnessed the death of praise and worship twice now. Once in the 80s and more recently around four years ago. The first time around, there was an explosion of authentic “scripture songs” in the 70s that were central to the rise of the charismatic movement. Since this was the first contemporary praise music, no one had taught courses on “how” to create a worship song. Most of the songs were taken straight from the scriptures. In the late 70s/early 80s, contemporary Christian music (CCM) came along as well. At first it seemed a match made in heaven. Not only did you have juggernauts like Keith Green tearing it up - inside every Petra, Evie, Amy Grant, Allies, and Russ Taff album there were scriptures listed to “support” each song’s message.

But then in the mid-80s, things began to dry up. Many of the same companies that were releasing praise and worship were also into CCM. Somehow, as the charismatic movement grew and worship music spread to the masses, it became thin in its message and power. I don’t know how to describe that to you, really. Integrity Music put out a new album…simply because it was what they did. The two groups became indistinguishable, and so there was at least a partial dry spell for worship music. 

Things drudged along until around 1995. Hillsongs released “Shout the Lord,” Darrell Evans released “Let the River Flow,” and the Vineyard movement released the “Touching the Father’s Heart” series. Delirious hit the scene. BOOM! Worship music returned – inspired, authentic, and powerful. Worship music, supported by the charismatic “third wave” movement, became pure again – worship for worship’s sake.

Luckily, something else really important for praise and worship happened: lyrical ambiguity in the secular grunge music scene. What? Just stick with me. No longer was it fashionable to have transparent lyrics – obscured content was the new thing. No one knew what Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder was saying…and, just like the Kingsmen in the 60s, it became all the rage. CCM hopped on the bandwagon as soon as it encountered the success of Jars of Clay on mainstream radio. Secular radio became a “mission” once again similar to Amy Grant’s attempt in 1985 and Stryper in 1986. Only this time, rather than busting down the front doors with strong lyrics, CCM attempted sneak in the back door with ambiguous ones. We still see this today: bands on the Tooth and Nail label still can’t tell us for sure if they’re Christians. Because of this, CCM and praise and worship parted ways for about a decade.

Recently, CCM and praise and worship have merged again. Now, CCM groups are putting out worship albums and include at least one possible worship track on each release. Press releases tout these as the “new” worship song for churches, like Leeland or Michael W. Smith.  The problem is that Leeland is not praise and worship…he’s merely returning CCM to the poignant, straightforward genre it was 30 years ago. Tragically, CCM has strayed so far from its origins that it doesn’t recognize its own sound. So now that they’ve stumbled across it again, they mistakenly call it “praise and worship.”

Churches pick these CCM worship songs up and incorporate them into their services. K-Love and other radio stations play Casting Crowns and David Crowder back to back…but you can’t tell the difference. There have been some bright spots along the way like Passion or Chris Tomlin, but even now those have recently become parodies of themselves. Just for the record, I still stand by Paul Baloche though.

In general, church worship is suffering, forcing worship leaders to write their own stuff or seek out the “Jason Uptons” of the underground worship world from which to draw new material. That makes worship leading difficult to say the least. Furthermore, amateur musicians have to attempt to compete with session musicians that congregations hear on the radio. Understandably, people have trouble “entering in” when it doesn’t sound like the radio.

So, what’s next? For now, the CCM music industry still sees worship music as “fiscally sound.” But over the next few years, CCM will get tired of hearing themselves sing songs that worship leaders have written and they’ll go back to writing something else. At that point, they’ll separate again and worship music will regain its intimacy and depth. All we have to do is wait, say…another 5 years. Until then, we’ll have to endure such gems as “WOW Worship 57.”