Annagale came home with this in her school work the other day. Okay, the spelling isn’t perfect but when I read it, I became extremely angry. Let me decipher it for you: “Sally the horse was pretty good. She did what you told her.” More than a grammar exercise, Annagale was conveying something I am doing my best to counteract: conformity. This is no reflection on her teacher (who is exceptional) and her school (which is highly acclaimed). Schools are not to blame for this – they merely reflect what we feel is appropriate for human behavior. It has to do with the paradigms we instill in our children at a young age. My children (and your children) are not “good” because they do what we think they should. They are “good” simply because they are. God made them that way.
I find myself on occasion correcting my children not because they need correction but because I’m embarrassed that others will judge me for their behavior. Rather, I should be fostering their creativity, individuality, and a personal sense of “God-esteem.” I want them to learn everything they can including obedience. But that doesn’t include conformity. If you’ve never seen this incredible TED talk by Ken Robinson,” I think you would enjoy it.
Here’s another take on the issue by Christian leadership guru Tim Elmore.
Hey Sam, that was good! I have found that I am the same with my kids. Now that two of mine are teenagers and we talk a lot, the informed me thT in my quest to have ” obedient, well behaved, respectful, children who make the right choices, I have made it impossible for them to ever be wrong or make mistakes. I have given them the impression that I expect them to be perfect. When they told me this I was surprised even though I could see that they were right, I did not want them to feel like that and I didn’t want them to be afraid to tell me if they messed up. I want them to know that they are amazing and that I am here to help them learn from mistakes and that it is not the end of the world if you mess up! I have changed a lot after talking to them!!!! I really appreciate that they are older and we can talk about things like this and that I am still learning as I go along!:)
Thanks for sharing Kim. I’m finding that my children will obey if I connect with their hearts. Really working to make that jump from “obedience training” to heart connecting. In the midst of those “failures” I can teach them two really important lessons: it’s not that big of a deal and that I love them no matter what. Your thoughts really encourage me to continue that process.
Sam
I am dealing a lot with this myself right now. there are certain places I am not even sure I want to take them because we get judged when we are there (not church, somewhere else).