Puréed People

Hey.

I’ll post something more “theological” in a little while. I’ve been pondering some very different ideas the last week or so.

I live in a small town. It’s nice and easy-going. I know a lot of people – if I walk down Broad Street or go to Publix, I can count on having to wave at half a dozen friends and acquaintances. Sometimes I feel like I know everybody. But other times I get overwhelmed with the inner complexity of people. Everything I don’t know about those same friends and acquaintances. Humans are more than just their greetings and clothes. More than niceties and laughter. They are very, very complex. And that overwhelms me. There are millions of fragile cognitive interactions and emotional reactions that play into the behavior of any given individual. I get the privilege of helping people sort through those intricacies when they rise to the surface. It’s the most daunting thing a person can do: attempt to understand another person.

I like to describe the composition of the human psyche in a way that we can all understand: chocolate and vanilla swirled pudding snacks. Yep. That’s how I look at the human race. Intrigued? Read on, friend. People are born hard-wired with a natural disposition toward certain behaviors and attitudes. But then life happens…and with it, a myriad of relationships, habits, lifestyle choices, and information. Some has more staying power than others. Most people start out complex to begin with – like the image to the left. But when all these other heartaches, triumphs, fears, and celebrations are added in, it’s the equivalent of someone taking a spoon and swirling up all the “flavors” of life to the point they become indistinguishable from another. Puréed people. It’s no longer chocolate and vanilla. It becomes…”choc-nilla”…or something. And that’s what scares me.

I was in a room full of people this morning. Not a huge amount – enough to fit in a medium-sized room. But when you imagine the depth of their psychological and spiritual makeup, the abyss of who they truly are runs so deep that I imagine it would come out on the other side of the planet. I can’t sort everybody out. But I believe God can. The layers of identity that exist beneath what I encounter on a daily basis is far beyond anyone’s ability to investigate. That is still very much God’s territory. Only a fool would think otherwise. It does help me to be sensitive though. To understand that for every action that surfaces, there were thousands (maybe millions) that contributed to its arrival. And that’s something I can always keep in mind simply because it serves as a foundation for extending grace to others. The same grace I hope others will extend to me.

What Type of Currency Are You Using?

We all use different types of currency. I touched on this idea here but really didn’t explain the underlying root cause well. So, here’s some more on that…

When we think of currency, we normally think of money. And rightfully so – we live in a world that is obsessed with money at a psychological level. Though we may not say it out loud, we live as if money soothes all our aches and provides comfort. That may be. But money and stuff also clutter up life. Lately, there has been a good amount of research concerning “choice overload”: the stress created from having too many choices. Often times, we assume that money is the only type of currency. It’s not. And failure to recognize other forms of “currency” can lead us to make bad choices in life. Let me explain.

There are currencies we “trade” for another everyday. Money. Time, Relational connection. Quiet. Entertainment. Dialogue. Acclaim. Reputation. Public Visibility. Physical Health. Emotional wellness. Spirituality. These are just some examples – I’m sure you could think of other currencies you “barter” on a regular basis. In our present “hyperculture,” we do not always have the time to make wise decisions. For me, a wise decision has to do with understanding what a decision may “cost” in all areas of life even though it may initially look like the right decision.

And exchange rates are not always the same. For example, let’s say that you have a new job opportunity. The pay, prestige, and power associated with the job are excellent. However, the cost to the “currencies” of time, emotional health, spirituality, and parenting are tremendous as well. That’s when you get a choice. Does money, prestige and power “weigh” more than the other currencies of time, emotional health, spirituality, and parenting? Each person has to make that call. Sometimes you can negotiate a “deal” that preserves them all by negotiating for the other currencies. For me, I tend to see all “currencies” as equal. Because of this, Beth and I have made decisions that have looked strange to some. But that’s because the “trade-off” of one type of currency was not always worth the deficiency of another. Some of our decisions have been good and others have not. We’re still learning.

The worst thing a couple or a family can do is trade on one set of currencies only to find that they are bankrupt in another area of life. You may have that new furniture set you wanted, but if you are constantly fighting with your spouse about where to put it, you may have missed the point. Similarly, even if your life choices have prevented you from being a “contender,” then don’t complain while you sit around a table full of well-adjusted children. There are plenty of people who would trade what they have for what you have. I’m not implying that one is better than the other. But I am saying that good decisions can only be made when every “payday” is accounted for.

“Change We Can Believe In,” Part 2

My question this morning is: how do we find worth in something greater than our circumstances? How can we live with a sense that we are a part of something greater than our individual agendas? Our culture doesn’t teach us that. Our culture teaches us to be self-occupied and egotistical – completely consumed with our circumstances. It’s the disease of our nation. And we thrive on it. I know a lot of people who aren’t happy. Or at least they aren’t happy for long. Most people ride a roller coaster of reactions to what happens to them in any given day. In America, this is compounded by our affluence. We really don’t know what real suffering is! When asked about work, we complain, “Oh today was horrible!” When asked why, we mention things like, “I couldn’t finish my Excel spreadsheet because my email inbox was overflowing and my Blackberry just wouldn’t stop ringing!” or “It took forever to get my special order latte this morning, someone just had to get in a car accident and that put me behind schedule all day!” Obviously, I’m being facetious, but we have to admit we generally only have “small” problems.

If I remember correctly, the etymology of the word “happiness” comes from “happenings” – events in life that produce a specific emotion. In other words, the emotions of “happy” people rise and fall according to what “happens” to them. We live lives of reaction. If, of course, you have to perfect life, then you’ll always be happy. But remember, we’re the same people that complain if our dry cleaning isn’t ready for pickup. Our lives suffer at the hand of our circumstances. Our treatment of others, our attitudes, and personal worth rises and falls on the praises or criticisms of acquaintances and co-workers – people that really have little bearing on who we truly are. Yet, we let the actions of others and the “grind” of life mold us into people we don’t want to be.

I like history a lot, so I like to study how we came to believe in the ideologies we value as a nation today. One of the more fascinating ones to date is the idea of “self-esteem.” Now, when I say self-esteem, I mean the general ability to evaluate ourselves and have that self-image affect our behaviors and moods. We live in a culture that values the idea of a healthy self-esteem, and rightfully so. We spend a tremendous amount of time securing the self-worth of children in our educational systems, our governmental programs, and through non-profit organizations.

So, where do people go when looking for worth? Well, since the rise of the Human Potential Movement in the 60s, we most often seek healthy self-esteem in our value as human beings. By developing our potential as humans, we can achieve the quality of life that we desire. We can be fulfilled and content and…well…happy. And though psychologists go into more complex forms of self-image, this is the idea that drives the popular movement towards happiness. In other words, this is the “Dr. Phil” version. So, we grow up with the idea that we should think well of ourselves and recognize our merit as individuals with valid hopes and dreams. Everything we need to live a happy and fulfilled life is already present in us.

But after 40 years, we’re beginning to see the reality of that paradigm. In 2004, the American Psychological Association put out a report that challenged that idea. After surveying 600 people from the ages of 50 to 90, they determined that many of the individuals had “high” self-esteem but said they were unhappy. They knew they were smart, talented, resourceful, and educated. But they felt they had missed something along the way – some set of goals they didn’t meet. In other words, though they felt comfortable with who they were, they recognized that all the things they had accomplished were of little significance outside of the praise and accolades they received at the time. Even those with “healthy” self-esteem are slaves to their circumstances.

And here’s what we can learn from that: the idea that we possess within ourselves those qualities that will ultimately make us happy is false. It’s a self-defeating model because it attempts to derive worth and value from a source that always fails. Society tells us to be happy with who we are and then barrages us with qualifiers to that self-worth: education, credentials, social connections and the like. You are only as good as your ability to out-perform the next guy. That’s why people ride the roller coaster of life reacting to the changes that come our way. And though none of those things are necessarily bad, we give far more value to them than they actual give back to us…and it creates a constant reminder that we will never measure up to the standard to which we are held. Reputation, status, financial stability, high levels of education, physical attractiveness, athletic prowess, even personal integrity leaves us empty. And because we’re empty, we grasp and claw and hold on to whatever circumstances validate who we are: a job, a community position, money, our children, our spouse, even the reputation of our church. But when change comes, we’re devastated – because the familiar is gone and our security is threatened. In the end, change is something we can’t believe in. If we do believe in it, we won’t for long.

Sermon Snipets: Debt Free – Putting First Things First, Part 1

Preached January 4, 2009.

Today we are beginning a sermon series that “hits us where we live” in a lot of different ways. We’re going to talk about being “Debt Free.” Now, when I say that phrase, most people think of financial issues. But we incur “debt” in other ways, not just financial – we’re also going to talk about debt in relationships, the debt of sin, as well as finances.  So, as our first installment, this morning we’re going to talk about how to relieve our “debt to society” by putting first things first.

 ”Debt to society.” Strange phrase isn’t it? But it most accurately describes much of our lifestyle today. We make promises and commit to projects that ultimately rob us of our time with God and time with family. We become a slave to calendars, and deadlines, and the tyranny of the urgent. We are always paying the “debt” of time to our commitments, spending our time being busy but rarely being fruitful. There’s a big difference, you know. And being able to tell the difference between fruitfulness and busyness determines whether we live a peaceful or hectic life.

 There’s a humanities professor named Stephen Bertman who published an important book about ten years ago. It’s called Hyperculture: The Cost of Human Speed. Bertman believes that our fast-paced lifestyle is ultimately the cause of much of our stress and illness – it affects our bodies, our relationships, or emotions, and the like. Bertman says we are all “hard wired” to live a slower lifestyle…and our current pace causes more problems that it solves. Not sure if you suffer from “hyperculture?” Try these phrases on for size: “I’m totally lost without my calendar. If I get more productive, I’m gonna scream! Sometimes it seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. My life is on fast forward. I don’t spend enough time with family and friends. I don’t feel like I accomplished anything today.” Listen to some of the symptoms of “hyperculture” Bertman describes.

 The technology explosion has changed our lives – over 25 million televisions are purchased a year – so many in fact that in America today, more people have television sets than indoor plumbing. With the rise of the internet and rapid access to information, Psychologists have noticed a trend they have dubbed “information anxiety” – a scenario where our mind literally cannot handle the deluge of information to which we expose it. In the process, the assimilation of knowledge among school age children is becoming thin and is producing an ever widening gap between what we think we know because we “googled it” and what we really know. We are becoming a mile wide and an inch deep. But an even more disturbing trend is occurring as well. Psychologists are beginning to see the emergence of a new type of personality among younger generations called the “saturated self,” where all stimuli are completely self-generated. In other words, a “self-saturated” person does not respond to anyone or anything outside of the world they create. They may be online, but they are personally isolated, remote, and detached. They alone create their own entertainment and they induce their own level of stress. What’s more, our stress levels are beginning to affect the national heart rate average. And it’s affecting our bodies as well. Recent studies estimate and average of 200 billion dollars is lost annually due to stress-related accidents, illnesses, and absenteeism. Over-stimulation and too many choices are making our nation physically sick. Houston, we have a problem! And a growing one at that. We’re so busy managing our time that we’ve forgotten to enjoy the time we’ve been given. The urgent has gotten in the way of the important. And church can be one of the greatest culprits in this struggle.

I remember the first time I really encountered this type of stress. Beth and I had been married for about two years. I worked for Flowers at the time and Beth worked for a health insurance company in Tallahassee. We were both actively involved in church…to the point where it took up most of our nights with meetings. We had also taken on several service projects and agreed to be the FCA leaders at Brookwood school. Though all were considered worthwhile Christian activities, we were totally covered in “busyness.” And something began to happen: whereas once we had a stable, though young, marriage, we became distanced and argumentative. We stopped connecting with each other because our “debts” to society took away our time to connect to each other. And that’s always the case: time spent doing one thing is time spent not doing something else. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, so to speak. So, Beth and I started saying no…to everything. We finished our commitments and declined offers left and right until we had most of our weeknights back. And things got better. But it’s still difficult for us to “just say no.”

 Out text for today, Matthew 6:33, is the first scripture I ever memorized: “Seek first God’s Kingdom and his righteousness and all these things shall be yours as well.” It’s one of the most important scriptures you can apply to your life. Now, most preachers I’ve heard over the years apply that scripture in the following way. They give you a list of priorities and the list usually goes something like this: 1) God 2) spouse 3) children 4) church 5) job – or something to that effect. And then they’ll tell you that what you spend your time on determines what your priorities really are. And that’s when everyone goes home feeling guilty for golfing or shopping or working long hours and promises to change for the better. They vow to spend more time with their children or their spouse. Or they vow to spend more time in daily devotions with God. But, to me, that’s as stressful a way of living as any. Those expectations are just as demanding. There’s got to be more than just learning to guard your time and say no to unnecessary commitments. And there is. Let me explain.

Part 2 tomorrow…

Time Can Change a Man…

I was up early this morning and was looking out the bay window of our kitchen. This was the view: sunrise over the lake. I went outside barefoot in the 40° weather and took this picture. I used to look at the sunrise and sunset all the time…

I’ve been think about something lately. Unfortunately, time determines my disposition much more than I would like for it to. When I was home for two years finishing my doctoral dissertation, I had plenty of time. Lots of time to reflect. Lots of time to take an extra ten minutes to accommodate my kids’ whims and join in on the folly. Lots of time to read. Lots of time to look at all the cotton fields around our neighborhood grow to harvest.

Now, I don’t feel I have that same amount of time. Things that my children did previously irritate me now because they make us late. I just don’t feel like I have as much time to watch the seasons change. I still read heavily by most people’s standards, but not nearly at the rate I would like to. I find myself “pushing back” against the things that take my time, whether it be a longer-than-normal red light or a child who believes being “high maintenance” is a worthy goal. I’m the same guy, believe the same things, love my children the same way. But now there’s a difference: time. In this way I’m still adjusting speeds of life. And at the moment, I see the biggest enemy in my life as the tyranny of the urgent. One of the things that angers me the most is realizing I had free time and that I squandered it on things that have no real value or permanence.

There’s a pretty good book out there – Stephen Bertman’s Hyperculture: The Cost of Human Speed. This should be required reading for all those who believe life should be driven in the “fast lane.” The problem is that we’re not created to live at our present cultural speed. Bertman dissects this very problem and the relational, physical, and emotional problems it creates.

I don’t need to fight a whiny kid or a task list or a reminder chime on an Outlook calendar. I just need to fight the feeling that I have to rush everywhere I go. My relationships suffer for it. And though I have heard the phrase I used for my title used in a different way, it’s in this present sense that I struggle with it. Time can change and man or woman when they respond to the threat of time loss at the expense of healthy life choices.

Reading and Listening…

Quick update on what I’ve been reading and listening to over the past two months…

I’ve been into choral music for a while, specifically Morten Lauridsen and Arvo Part:

Morten Lauridsen, Lux Aeterna

Arvo Part, Miserere

I’ve also come across some older rock bands that have reformed and put out some really good albums.

Europe, Secret Society. This album is surprisingly good – great melodies, solid musicianship, good production. Great straight-ahead rock album. Don’t laugh – go listen.

Extreme, Saudades de Rock. This doesn’t have quite the production of their earlier big studio albums. But it’s still really great to listen to. In the past, I would’ve described Extreme as a rock band with blues influence. This album seems to be the other way around: a rock-tinged blues album. Of course, the thing that stands out the most is Nuno Bettencourt’s impeccable (and possibly unpickable) guitar solos.

I’ve been reading some theology, but also working in some practical pastor and team bulding books.

Walter Brueggemann, The Covenanted Self

Terence Fretheim, 1 and 2 Kings (Westminster Bible companion Series)

C. Baxter Kruger, God Is for Us, The Great Dance, and Jesus and the Undoing of Adam

Oliver, Hasz, and Richburg, Promoting Change through Brief Therapy in Christian Counseling

Aubrey Malphurs, Leading Leaders

Bonem and Patterson, Leading form Second Chair

I really enjoyed the brief therapy book – since all pastoral counseling becomes brief counseling. You’re doing good if you get anyone to listen to you for six weeks. The second chair book is excellent for anyone in a associate or supporting ministerial role. Every “second chair” leader should read this book. Though all the Baxter Kruger books were good reads, Jesus and the Undoing of Adam was superb. Great theology covering everything from the inner workings of the Trinity to the incarnation and death of Jesus. It’s only seventy pages, but not a word is wasted.

Todd Bentley: A Case in Fundamental Attribution Error

For a while now, social psychology has been concerned with something called the attribution theory. It’s main emphasis is on the role of personal character over against environment. At the core of this theory is something called the fundamental attribution error (FAE). The FAE describes the tendency of people to attribute another’s mistakes or moral failures to a lack of personal character and integrity. In other words, FAE occurs when we overestimate the internal traits of a person and underestimate the environmental factors that lead someone to behave in a certain way. A more popular form of this theory is found in the idea that we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. The reason we do this is because we are aware of our own circumstances that make us behave in a way that is inappropriate. But rarely do we see the same external circumstance in judging the actions of others unless we really attempt to “walk in their shoes.” Unfortunately, that takes more effort than many people want to exert.

Why am I talking about this where fallen revivalist Todd Bentley is concerned? Because it’s a perfect case study. Granted, psychology is not known for its religious outlook on life. But, here, I think psychology can teach Christians something. The FAE occurs in practically every criticism of Bentley I see. He is lambasted for his lack of moral character and unwillingness to stand firm when temptation presents itself. All of these criticisms are overestimations  of Todd’s internal makeup. When we criticize him, we assume that these internal traits alone will keep him above moral failure. But the same critics underestimate external circumstances in Bentley’s demise. That’s not being very fair, is it?

The truth is somewhere in the middle. When criticizing Bentley, we commit the FAE the moment we refuse to acknowledge that other factors outside of Bentley himself contributed to his present predicament. This idea drives conservatives of every sort. William Bennett’s Book of Virtues should be all we need to live a moral life – or so we are taught. But that’s for people who don’t live in the real world. Other factors contribute to our well-being and our demise – including our spiritual life. That doesn’t negate the importance of strong moral resolve and personal integrity. It’s simply a recognition of the fact that oftentimes in life, when the rules of the game change, our behavior follows.

Though it’s a psychologcal term, the fundamental attribution error (at least for Christians) is an error of pride. Those who engage in it forget the basics of life. When Todd Bentley confessed his mistakes, those who dealt with the situation through the FAE only saw doctrinal error, moral depravity, or some type of “sin sickness” in Bentley’s soul. Bentley’s failure is a moral one – something internal. But a balanced and humble approach would realize that external factors like extreme public exposure, time away from family, lack of Christian support, and very small doses of “down time” also contributed to his woes. Those who commit the FAE will always villanize the person by saying, “I knew something was wrong with that guy.” Those who can step outside the trappings of the fundamental attribution error recognize that there’s more to people’s mistakes than original sin. They are more than happy to say, ”That could’ve been me if I was placed in a similar situation.”