Why We Compete

So, some more thoughts on competition. There are plenty of reasons why we compete as adults. Of course, I can only speak for myself but I hope I can shed some light on this idea. For many years, my main competitive motivation was pride. I wanted to be the best. I felt that I was entitled to be the best. The truth is I’m not the best…no one is. So, in its infancy (or before we “grow up“) competition is a product of our desire for personal esteem. Small amounts of this are okay I suppose but not the level we normally associate with narcissism. And even into adulthood, occasionally we find the individual who is still captured by their own potential for greatness and their willingness to steam-roll others to get there. I must say that the majority of my experience with competition falls into this category. It’s drives our love of football teams and our aspirations of climbing some sort of corporate ladder. It’s the driving force that makes someone at Catalyst wish they were that person speaking on stage and network their brains out behind the scenes to “connect” with the next ministerial conquest.

But there’s a much more devious form of competition that enters when we grow up. Competition based on fear. And unless you’ve been under a rock somewhere, this is the most common form of competition you will encounter. It is the foundation for much of our business practices and even affects our churches. When you are economically secure or work in a safe corporate culture or a church environment that is open, you don’t see this type of competition. But when our families are threatened, our finances are at risk, reputations are jeopardized, or people start throwing around terms like “divisional restructuring,” cooperative trust and loyalty disappear. And this is the mantra of fear-based competition: “I don’t have to be first…just don’t let me be last.” This competition based on fear makes us do some strange things. Though I beleive it’s important to be thankful for what we have, I am amazed at people’s willingness to oversell the value to “2nd tier” schools, vacations, cars, and luxury items simply because “1st tier” is out of reach. I can’t send my kid to an Ivy League college so I’ll talk about how high the average SAT score is and how low the acceptance rate to my public school choice is. I can’t own a beach house in Destin, Florida so I’ll buy one somewhere else and rave about the “up and coming” location. I can’t own a Mercedes but have a Tahoe. It’s the idea that drives the old joke about “Thank God for Mississippi” since Mississippi is worse off than the state you live in.

Churches are designed to be the exception to this simply because the gospel states the opposite. We are all on the same page. Now, you might assume that my next conclusion is that “we are all on the same page because we are all sinners.” And that’s true – I’d put myself in that category. But the church has a more urgent message to convey: we are on the same page because we are accepted in Christ Jesus (Eph. 1:6, NKJV). Everyone is “1st tier.”  But churches don’t always convey this message well. But that doesn’t mean that each person cannot grasp it on their own. I’ll talk about how to do that in the next post.

In Case You Have Forgotten…

When I sit down to write this blog, I have usually been thinking over and over about a topic or idea. And then just blog on it in one sitting without many re-writes. Of course, the typos may have clued you in to this (and I purposefully don’t correct them) but the blog merely serves to get some thoughts out of my head to make room for more. It takes me about thirty minutes. That’s not the most conventional use for a blog – many bloggers post current events links or make cyber-nods to blogs they enjoyed reading. I do that occaisionally…but not much. I am not a hub of information for politics, social agendas, or TV reviews. The point of it all is merely to put thoughts out there that hopefully will mean something to the person who needs it. So, here are some thoughts I’ve been having lately about “you,” whoever you may be:

You are more than your mistakes. Mistakes happen all the time. But to associate your worth and status with the sneer of a socialite or the frown of a co-worker is ridiculous. It’s much better to say, “I made a mistake. And that’s all it is: a mistake. It doesn’t define me.” Swinging for the fence never works anyway. What does work is a purposeful, intention lifestyle. After all, credibility comes with longevity and “stick-to-it-ness,” not necessarily a particular skill set or a level of education. You can always self-educate. Similarly, you are more than your job. Contrary to the old adage, you are not the job.  People who say such things have made an unhealthy pact with their Blackberry to-do list. Also, lack of education doesn’t decrease credibility any more than education gives someone entitlement to elite status. Truth is we are valued because God breathes value into us, regardless of how we choose to label ourselves. You’re not a label or a bank account or a job or a talent. You are worth knowing without any accomplishments, credentials, or clout. More importantly, you are worth knowing in spite of your accomplishments, credentials, and clout.

You’re unique unto yourself. You’re identifiable apart from your spouse, children, and friends. You are interesting as you are – without posturing for self-importance or dropping names. You have inherent value that cannot be “improved upon” by someone else’s approval. Everyone has a story and your story is just as telling, evocative, and inspiring as another. You’re not someone’s hood-ornament, prize, or trophy. You are not an accolade for others. Neither are you a pawn for other’s agendas. Those who see you as those things are trapped in a world of pragmatism and ego. You do not have to feed their need for self-importance.

Don’t be restricted by limitations others place on you.  You can do anything  you want. Now, notice I didn’t say you could do anything you want easily, but there’s no reason for you not to follow your aspirations and dreams. Refuse to associate with those who are comfortable in the world they’ve created.  Surround yourself with restless people who have like-minded dreams. Be unconventional – as Seth Godin says, “The ’heretics’ are the new leaders.” In other words, be the “heretic” who doesn’t follow the crowd. After all, normative is normal…and boring. And when you make choices, make them full-speed. You must make choices anyway. For the love of God, the least you can do is go all out.

Finally, save the best parts of you – your energy, resourcefulness, kindness, and graciousness – for your family. Not the workplace or community, but for those closest to you. Make sure your family sees a part of you that no one else can – reserved especially for them.  Stare into your spouse’s and children’s eyes with more interest and intent than you would give to the CEO of your company or the richest person in your city. There’s more treasure sitting there across from you at the dinner table anyway.

Are We Losing Relationship to the Advances of Technology?

I was listening to a song a few days ago that talked about how rapidly our world is changing and how technology is moving so fast. That (in conjunction with the fact that I almost went crazy in the last two days while our servers at work were down) got me to thinking about how technology is front and center of our society. It makes me uneasy. And I consider myself a technologically competent individual.

Of course the lack of true interaction with others certainly bothers me – an emoticon and a hug are very different, though they may attempt to convey the same thing. But what really bothers me about the technology craze is that we seemed paralyzed when technology is unavailable to us. As if we are incapable of remembering how we functioned without it. But people have “survived” for centuries without modern advances. How is that possible, when technology seems to be indispensible to us as a society? Truthfully, we value a set of cultural ideologies that would be lost on those who came before us – things like material items, expediency, and personal space. But no matter what anyone tells you, sitting across from someone and looking directly into their eyes while they talk feels more “real” than any chat room or message board ever could.

So what did people value prior to the technological explosion? The same things that are still valuable today. Things like friendship, kindness, honor, truth, family, and practicality. Let’s face it, when it’s easier to send a text to someone who is fifteen feet from us in the next office, then we’ve missed the point. Generations of people have gotten along just fine without our modern technologies – some might say better. And personally, I wonder if we weren’t meant to live life at a slower pace than we do. There seems to be no room for margin, for learning “on the job” or for making mistakes. Our culture has made it difficult to learn life by practicing it. And, to me, that’s sad.

Am I screaming the evils of technology? No. I’m a young guy and I certainly like my PDA, DirecTV, and mp3 player. But there’s a subtle difference between a person that picks up the phone to call a friend or walks down the hall to discuss an issue at work and the person that doesn’t take the time to do either. Which type of person are you becoming? As inconvenient and inefficient as it may seem, I’m trying to be the first person.