What Christians Can Learn from PostSecret

I have a few rituals in my life that I do religiously. Read the PostSecret website is one of them. Every Sunday morning…without fail. PostSecret is a project that was started several years ago by a guy named Frank. Here’s the gist: people anonymously mail in their most secret confessions on a post card and Frank posts them to his website. You may think you have a good grasp on people’s inner thoughts and motivations. But until you’ve read PostSecret, you really don’t have a clue.

The confessions on those postcards are raw, unfiltered, and outrageous. But more importantly they are an actual representation of what goes on in the human mind. I know many Christians that see the “depraved”  types of confession that litter that site as examples of lost souls pinning away for something more. I don’t. I think they are beautifully authentic. In fact, Christians could learn something about their own faith from them.

Occasionally, the confessions listed are actions of the past. But most of the PostSecret confessions are confessions of the heart. Here are a few examples:

I’m terrified of being a parent. I don’t think I could handle it if my kids make the mistakes my friends and I have made. 

Every time I see your Christmas lights, it makes me want to punch you in the face. 

I travel so much because  know I won’t kill myself if I’ve already paid for the trip.

Being a slut makes me feel strong.

They are all secrets of inner fears, motivations, and desires. Christians should take notes.

In the church world, confession occurs when someone is willing to admit a past mistake or failure….and that usually only happens when someone gets caught. But PostSecret actually represents a more biblical form of confession reflected in James 5:16 says “confess your faults to each other and pray for each other so that you can be healed.” Confession is not about getting caught. It’s not even about accountability. It’s about honesty and vulnerability. Personality flaws, skewed motives, and prejudices…right out there in the open – before God and everybody else.

Anyone can say, “In the past, I committed adultery. I committed fraud. I committed acts of violence.” But the Christians who actually have traction with those around them are the ones that confess what is truly in their heart in the middle of their struggle:

I am a Christian.

I am also a notorious liar.

I go to church only for the business contacts I can make there.

I gain great satisfaction from watching coworkers fail.

I hate my spouse but I’m scared to divorce him/her because my Bible study group will shun me.

I want other people’s money.

I love porn. I will always love porn.

I’m afraid of God though the pastor tells me I shouldn’t be.

My children annoy me constantly. I look for ways to avoid them.

This is real life. This is Christianity: not “confessions” of triumph but accurate confessions of broken people who are on a journey towards wholeness. May God give us the courage to share our own “PostSecrets.”

Three Kinds of Friends

Still thinking about people and relationships. Here’s a follow-up post to Two Kinds of People.

Friendship is an elusive category. Not only de we have a difficult time perceiving people’s true intentions and motivations, we also find it difficult to sustain the friendships we aready have. Confession time: I am not the world’s greatest friend. I will let months pass before I make contact with people dear to me all the while believing the relationship won’t suffer. It’s a serious emotional “blind spot.” Fortunately, many of my closest friends understand this about me and continue to initiate conversation. Thank God for good friends.

 

There’s an old adage that says, “If you can count the number of true friends on one hand, you’re a fortunate soul.” I am very blessed to have more than a handful of people who care deeply about me. Some of them are longtime friends or relatives. Others are ministers – mentors and peers – from all over the U.S. And then there is a group I just “click with.” They “get” me. At the risk of sounding hokey, I think part of this is due to spiritual connection…a shade of explanation often lost when talking about why friendships last. I’ve also had people disappear from my life that I thought would be there forever. Though none of this is new to anyone, I’ve narrowed down friendship to three basic kinds. Understanding these has helped me define relationships and temper expectations for friendship. I thought I’d share them with you:

1) Friends of Mutual Accommodation - This the broadest field of friendship and may be little more than acquaintances…but often times there is more to it. By mutual accommodation I mean that these friendships are only as stable as our ability to meet the other person’s need. Once you can no longer provide the “upside” you once brought to the relationship, then the relationship fails. Sadly, most people come to friendship with the perspective that a friend is only as good as his or her ability to make us feel popular, attractive, or important. But none of these things has anything to do with real friendship. Our culture drives these shallow friendships.

2) Proximity Friends - I remember the first time I left a work environment. I assumed that the friendships there would last. Barring the occasional exception, they didn’t. I assumed these were deeper friendships than they were. Then I began to think, “Maybe something’s wrong with me.” But actually they were just proximity friends. By that I simply mean that we gain friendships based on our access to people. Rotary, Junior Service League, co-workers, church, the gym, etc. These friendships last only to the extent that we are a part of someone’s everyday routine and location. When “ease of access” disappears so does the friendship. A hurried lifestyle and convenience drives these friendships.

3) True Friends - True friendship is not tied to a person’s “upside” or to convenience. In fact, to have true friendship, we must discard all the motivations that drive the first two categories. So, there’s risk involved. Friendship exists simply because of an acceptance and a commitment to someone. These are the friendships you travel to maintain. These are the ones where the “surface talk” disappears quickly and an openness pervades the conversation. There’s no need for masks – no need to pretend you’re something you’re not. Weakness and struggle are not taboo topics. These are the friendships that have progressed and changed as the people inside them have changed. Some of the best clues are when others comment, “I never would have thought the two of you would be such good friends.” Or better yet, when someone asks how you became friends, you stare at each other and say “I’m not exactly sure…”

Circles of friendship and influence ebb and flow – that’s part of life. But don’t let anything hinder those true friendships God has placed in your life. They are the bedrock of a fulfilling life.

Pay Me What You Owe Me: The End of a “Profession”

I had a watershed moment this past week.

I attended a conference with a number of church planters from around the world. I’m not talking about our average “safe” conference where everybody flashes a lanyard to get in and sits around citing demographical research and discusses the latest Zondervan book. I have been to those and find them helpful. But this was different. These people were planting churches where no statistical data is available, if you get my drift. These people were hardcore. They were extremely kind and accommodating to me. But it became pretty clear that I was sitting with a class of minister far above my own.

One story struck me in particular. A guy had been making advances into a country for several years. Now, when I say that, I’m not saying that he’s got a 500 member congregation and health benefits. We’re talking about four converts in three years. That kind of thing. Hardcore. He was giving praise that someone in that group had invited him to visit again and was going to pay for his travel costs.

Here’s where it gets radical. I said, “Isn’t that a standard arrangement? How else would you get there?”  He said, “No. Normally I have to pay them to have the opportunity to witness to them. That’s why it’s a miracle.” Read that again. He has to pay them.

We send speakers and ministers around the world at our own expense. After all, motivational  speakers and ministers are worth the money right?  In the U.S? Yes. Elsewhere? Nope. In the U.S., the people who are paying are already Christians and deeply entrenched in that consumer paradigm. Outside of that paradigm, no one else gives a rip. A flying rip.

Don’t call me a doomsday prophet just yet, but I believe this is on the horizon in all Westernized nations as well. Many would say it’s already here. Presently, I would venture to say that roughly anywhere between 10-20% of any U.S. city has contact with Christianity and that number is decreasing every day. As it decreases, any prestige associated with the “profession” of ministry will eventually collapse. It’s status as a reputable and viable occupation will cease and (as in other nations) it may bring scorn upon those who embrace it.

Then something else will happen. People will have a choice: they will either wait for someone to fund them or they will spend their own money to share Christianity with others. Right now, ministers and church planters still think someone else needs to pay for their services. But ministers of the future will no longer ask for funding for themselves and their families. They will ask for funding so they can “pay” someone else to listen to the Gospel.

Do you think that’s a radical idea? Let me know what you think.

Faith’s Missing Element

Following up on my last post…

I hate the word “missional.” I also hate the words “attractional, invitational, and incarnational.” Alright. I don’t hate them. I just think they are unnecessary. It’s like a bunch of Christians got in a room together and said “Ending words with ‘-ism’ is so passé. Let’s change it up a bit and use something that sounds more hip. How about we create buzzwords with “-al” at the end?” I apologize for being facetious. But I do find the jargon  bandwagon a little cramped these days. So, how about I don’t get on.

I had coffee with a friend last week and we were talking about Christians finding practical ways to serve their communities. Buzzwords ( ending in “-al”) make little impact. Sharing with and serving others is difficult for church people. We often lack the faith required to put action to our beliefs. So, we find convenient ways to serve or give or love. Because we are obsessed with materialism, we usually throw money at a problem…in the form of an offering or a purchased item that seems to be lacking in someone’s life. In our economy, giving money to a problem (whether it’s abroad or in our backyard) is not as easy as it used to be. But it is still fairly easy. So, when we raise money to build a building in another country we are honestly doing the least mount of work. And if we send a group to do international missions, we are still leaving behind the majority of people in our churches who feel they have done their work by dropping a small offering in the offering plate. Don’t get me wrong – I’m a fan of mission trips (we have some excellent missions work going on right now at our church)…but it only involves a few people.  It rarely involves the whole church. I place the blame for this at the feet of ministers just like me. We tell people what to support, what to publicize, and what ideas to champion. When we do, we create a bunch of bobble-heads with wallets…

I believe there’s a missing element to faith in our churches today. That element is creativity. When thinking of ways to impact the world around them, people no longer think for themselves. That’s why I believe creativity is the largest barrier to faith. Rather than being led by the Holy Spirit to find unique ways to further the kingdom of God, we fall back on conventional methods of programming that impact many but often involve few. The most creative ways Christians are living out their faith usually involve little money and are extremely simple ideas. But these ideas are their own. Things get complex when we create programs to do what people who love God do naturally: meet each other’s needs in simple, effective, and inexpensive ways.

The church doesn’t need more money or publicity. It needs to free people to be creative in how they express their faith to others. Creativity creates ownership and a sense of purpose. People are already “missional.” We need to spend less time convincing them of that and more time creating a culture where no idea is off limits regardless of how small, inexpensive, or insignificant it may seem. It’s in those small details that that church will continue to grow. Mustard seeds grow into something much larger.

I’m still thinking through all of this. What do you think about it?

Evangelism Is Dead

I was driving to speak at a men’s conference about two months ago when I saw a church marquee that caught my attention. It said:

What would you need to see on our sign to get you to come to church?

Hmmm. Now, granted, it was a more traditional church with no inkling of forward motion in a while. But the sign angered me. It essentially said to the unchurched in the area: “Come to us. We’re not coming to you.” Or maybe we could put it this way: “We have the truth. If you’re seeking it, you should probably show up here at our predetermined service times. This may inconvenience you. But the truth is worth your inconvenience.” What would someone need to see on that sign? Nothing. Because the message of that sign speaks to a bygone era. The cold hard fact is that the days of “propositional” evangelism are gone.

Let me explain what I mean. Propositional evangelism is the idea that sharing the gospel with someone involves  reciting a series of facts that others are supposed to believe simply because you have informed them. A couple of things are wrong with this. First, this type of evangelism assumes that information changes someone. And some information does change us and our perspective on life. But spiritual truths run deeper than a pamphlet or the “Roman road.” In the U.S., the idea that you can share the basics of Christianity with someone and they will smack their forehead and said, “Oh!  I had no idea!” really doesn’t exist anymore. The second issue revolves around truth. In our postmodern age, there are truth claims that compete against each other…and no longer is Christianity held as the highest pinnacle of truth attainment. In every area of society, we now live in the “marketplace” of ideas – a giant supermarket full of ideologies that are all marked half-price.This makes those who are into propositional evangelism extremely angry… because they have no leg of established credibility to stand on since their “market share” is the same as everyone else’s.

What does exist is relational or trust-based evangelism. Since no one has to “buy in” to the Christian paradigm anymore, people come to understand more about Jesus through their relationships with others and the slow and steady trust built through long-lasting friendships. People are certainly interested in ultimate truth – they always will be. But the doorway to speak to others about that truth has nothing to do with the accuracy of truth claims. Those with the relationships will ultimately be granted the opportunity to answer questions about truth. This is bad news for many of us in the evangelical camp… because we are lazy.  We’re not used to having to work at relating to others simply because we assume that everyone will be enamored with our wisdom. They’re not.

I heard a quote several months ago by a pastor named John Lynch. He said:

Truth is never received unless it is given in the context of trust.

That doesn’t mean the truth is up for grabs. But it does mean that the method by which it can be relayed as changed drastically. Only when I have earned someone’s trust based on friendship and service am I able to share with them what I believe about God. After all, that is  the message of the gospel. Jesus scrapped all his positions and titles to live amongst us (Philippians 2). And by living with us, he showed us how to live.

 

Book Review: Kissing Fish

I just finished a really interesting book yesterday. It’s by Roger Wolsey and it’s called Kissing Fish. The book is somewhat of a spiritual manifesto on a movement that is taking shape in America: Progressive Christianity. Notice I didn’t say liberal Christianity or modern or postmodern. I said progressive. Roger is an extremely approachable guy. He’s ordained Methodist and ministers at the Boulder campus of the University of Colorado – a place not exactly known as a bastion for conservative Christianity. And that’s what I like about this book: it gives real and practical thoughts about ministering to a generation where they are, not where we think they should be.

Roger puts it this way in his opening chapter: “I discovered the disappointing gap between idealistic notions of what the Church can and could be – and the decidedly non-ideal, petty, political, conflicted, dysfunctional beautiful messes that most of them are” (45).  Hopefully, that doesn’t put you off…particularly since Paul Tillich voiced similar sentiments in his History of Christian Thought: “…the gap between its claim and its reality.” Anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski has said the same about primitive religions. So, Roger is in good company.

Progressive Christianity seeks to develop a something other than a religion about Jesus. It focuses on the religion of Jesus: “his actual beliefs, practices, and lifestyle” (58). Sanctification is at its core: the slow gradual growth towards Christ-likeness in individual piety and social justice. Not one of the other. Both. Progressive Christianity is more tolerant for the sake of inclusion, reconciliation, and healing. Along with that is a level of inclusivism for other religions and alternative lifestyles and a blending of religious traditions that may make conservative evangelicals nervous.  That’s okay. The label “progressive” appeals to a different demographic. And as a wise woman told me a few weeks ago, “alternative” is quickly becoming “mainstream” where religious preference is concerned.

For the first half of the book, Roger works his way through a loosely knit systematic theology, tweaking it as he goes. He says gems like “…what Jesus talked about most wasn’t himself…”(161) or “”[Progressives] concern is more upon living and loving in God’s Kingdom right now and faithfully helping to manifest it all the more” (177).  These quotes don’t sound progressive to me – they sound like accurate notions of biblical Christianity. Even in the deep South (where I live), people are whispering similar phrases in dark alleys where it’s safe.

The second half of the book is a more practical outworking of these ideas. Roger starts off this way:

As the old Swing era hit put it, “‘It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing” and brother-sister, love is that swing. You can meditate and pray, go to church, get baptized and take communion, light candles and burn incense, read sacred texts, chant, fast and do yoga, and even help out at soup kitchens, but if you aren’t doing them with love, it’s all a bunch of vapid, empty horse apples. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve got a shed full of them (250).

See why I like this guy?! He then spends several chapters unpacking the practical nature of love in action. He covers everything from practical acts of kindness to the spiritual discipline of “centering prayer.” Now, what’s great about that is usually we lean to one side of the other: we focus on Christianity as meeting the needs of others or meeting our own needs. Roger holds them in tandem…just like God probably designed to begin with.

This is good book. Particularly if you’ve never read something from this paradigm before. I have one drawback: it could’ve been shorter and had the same impact. The word “redaction criticism” should’ve never made it in this work simply because those concerned with hermeneutics won’t be reading it. Still, it’s a fun, personal and engaging book. I liked it. Roger tells you in the postlude that’s he’s not saying anything new…and that’s true. I would add the names, Richard Rohr, Dallas Willard, Henri Nouwen, John Wesley, and (my theological hero) Horace Bushnell to the list. But what Kissing Fish  does represent is a growing ensemble of voices originating in places other than what some would call “left field.” There was very little I disagreed with in this book and I consider myself to be a “post-conservative” evangelical. Roger may use the word “progressive” but what he is describing is very quickly becoming the norm. And for that, Kissing Fish is worth the read.

What’s the Rush?

I have found myself in a slight panic in the last day or so. But it wasn’t the “normal” things over which I might push the “panic” button. It was something weird. Weird enough to blog about anyway…

My panic moments have involved information. Content. And here’s the weird part. I was freaking out about the fact that I had not heard about some particular information. The content actually wasn’t that important or life-changing in the least. But I was behind. Others had received the information before I did and it caused me to freak.

We live in an unusual time. A time where the immediacy of content, not the content itself determines validity. What we know isn’t as important as how quickly we know…or if we are to be honest…who knew it before us. If we don’t know it first, then we can’t capitalize on it first. This used to be the linchpin of gossip. Now, it’s the linchpin of going “viral.” And someone else will beat us to the next great idea. It’s become apparent that the next great idea is also the next great fleeting idea. So there’s little chance that even though we may be first, we will only be first for a short time. It’s not whether you are watching the same video – it’s whether you can download it in 3G or 4G.

This creates two different types of responses in people. The first is mild panic and clamoring to be first. That is what I have felt lately. The second response is the more mature one I think. And that response is “What’s the rush?” Eventually, the immediacy of content thrills us little and the quality of content surfaces again. And we stop clamoring to gain information because we realize that the information is useless anyway. It has no staying power. It’s not quality. It doesn’t speak to anything beyond self-gratification.

Eventually we have to stop clamoring to purchase the new Lady Gaga album from Amazon because it’s only 99¢. The question has nothing to do with Lady Gaga’s availability. It has to do with whether or not her music is worth 99¢ or $99. Does it have staying power? Do any of the items we drool over have staying power? Are we chasing products or merely newer versions of the same products?

I have a theory. If it is quality content, it will still be here once the immediacy of that content is gone. Good things stick around. If that’s true, then what’s the rush?

Lessons from “Sally the Horse”

Annagale came home with this in her school work the other day. Okay, the spelling isn’t perfect but when I read it, I became extremely angry. Let me decipher it for you: “Sally the horse was pretty good. She did what you told her.” More than a grammar exercise, Annagale was conveying something I am doing my best to counteract: conformity. This is no reflection on her teacher (who is exceptional) and her school (which is highly acclaimed). Schools are not to blame for this – they merely reflect what we feel is appropriate for human behavior. It has to do with the paradigms we instill in our children at a young age. My children (and your children) are not “good” because they do what we think they should. They are “good” simply because they are. God made them that way.

I find myself on occasion correcting my children not because they need correction but because I’m embarrassed that others will judge me for their behavior. Rather, I should be fostering their creativity, individuality, and a personal sense of “God-esteem.” I want them to learn everything they can including obedience. But that doesn’t include conformity. If you’ve never seen this incredible TED talk by Ken Robinson,” I think you would enjoy it.

Here’s another take on the issue by Christian leadership guru Tim Elmore.

Book Review: Sam Chand’s “Cracking Your Church’s Culture Code”

In an unconventional way to start a book review, I’d like to tell you a conversation I had recently.  I  got a call from a young minister in his twenties who had been doing some soul-searching earlier in the day. He’s already experienced highs and lows of church leadership and has walked away (to put it nicely) a “realist.” He asked me “What are the key components that make a person successful in ministry?” After telling him that’s an impossible question for me to answer, I gave him my best guess: the spiritual life of a leader and the health of the organization. He asked me if I had a book recommendation about organizational life. I told him, “I think my recommendation is the book I’m reading right now: Dr. Chand’s Cracking Your Chruch’s Culture Code.”

Sam Chand’s Cracking Your Church’s Culture Code: Seven Keys to Unleashing Vision and Inspiration (Leadership Network/Jossey-Bass, 2011) is different than every other church leadership book I’ve read. Granted, it’s the first one I’ve read by him. In the past, the best organizational advice I’ve read comes from “secular” sources: The Wisdom of Teams, Good to Great, or a Patrick Lencioni book. But Chand manages to keep the organizational advice flowing while also reminding the reader why he or she is in church leadership to begin with: to glorify God. Chand’s premise is this: change a church’s culture – its vocabulary, team dynamics, transparency, etc. - and you will change a church’s direction and effectiveness.  From chapter one forward, Chand emphatically states, “Culture trumps vision.” Change the culture and the vision will follow. Chand then systematically walks the reader through the seven keys to culture: 1) control, 2) understanding, 3) leadership, 4) trust, 5) unafraid, 6) response, and 7) execution. Throughout the book he covers all manner of organizational life – team dynamics, the process of change, the importance of capitalizing on momentum, dealing with mediocre staff members, and how to select volunteers from within the congregation. In other words, he basically covers everything.

Peppered within all this good “business” advice, Chand speaks from a pastoral heart as well. He interjects comments like, “We need to treat staff like volunteers, always appealing to their hearts and their desire for God to use them to change lives” (p. 66). Or “The number of ‘shoulds’ in a person’s mind and mouth is inversely proportional to his sense of peace, joy, and fulfillment” (p. 90). Then, Chand turns around and offers some of the most common-sense leadership advice you’ll read anywhere: “Trust grows in an environment that is HOT: honest, open, and transparent” (p. 52). Concerning strategic planning, a good framework is found in the acronym SMART: “specific, measurable, accountable, reasonable, and timely” (p. 150). And don’t miss the great illustration about the church as a restaurant.

So, back to my phone conversation. Why suggest this book over another? Here are my thoughts. Occasionally a book will come along that embodies all the research and data in a particular field. This book does that in the areas of church leadership. You can read Diffusions of Innovations and be better for it. But Chand takes those findings and many others, places them within the context of church life, and summarizes it in a page and a half. Every triumph and failure I have seen among church staff is addressed in this book. If any church leader reads this book and commits to using it as a guide for organizational life, I don’t see how they can go wrong.  It’s a gold mine for church leaders.

Perception and Reality

 

I love this video. Not just for the humor but also for the insight concerning perception versus reality. Regardless of the shopper’s “honest” intention to purchase a product, the perception of stealing was greater. Obviously, this is an exaggerated case – but we bump up against this idea constantly in daily life. People weigh our intentions and interpret them for us…often without asking us what our true intentions are. And for many, perception is reality. I’ve had some well-meaning people tell me that before. And why not believe it? In a world of spin and sound bites, we’ve been trained to care about the cover, not the book. But buying into that mentality will not only have you unsuccessfully judging the intentions of others, it will haunt you – we look over our shoulder and second-guess how our intentions are regarded by others. And if you think for a minute that posturing and politic will stop others from thinking the worst about you, you’ve got a long life ahead of you…

But here is the bottom line: perception is not reality…no  matter how hard we try to make it so.

Christians steeped in grace have learned this. We have nothing to offer anyone, especially God. Of course, to embark upon a life of authenticity requires us to give up the right to defend our reputations and intentions. It requires us to come to grips with the fact that there are gaping holes in our character. I must admit I still want to defend myself on occasion. I read a quote by Brennan Manning the other day that I hope will stick with me for a very long time. In the Ragamuffin Gospel, he says,

“When a man or woman is truly honest (not just working at it) it is virtually impossible to insult them personally. There is nothing there to insult.”

I pray to God that I can become this person. It should be the heart’s cry of every believer. That type of openness and authenticity attracts the world to Jesus. “Reality” is the glorious revelation that in the midst of misunderstanding and wrongdoing, Jesus sees us for who we are. And he loves us without reservation. But to call it realitydoesn’t do God’s love justice. How about we just call it what it is: truth. Jean Danielou in The Scandal of Truth wrote: “Truth consists in the mind’s giving to things the importance they have in reality.” In other words, truth occurs when we purposefully rearrange our perceptions about others so that they mirror what God believes about them.  Jesus must do this in us before we can do this for others.

It’s a little late for New Year’s proclamations, but choosing to live in the reality of God’s love rather than by the perceptions of others is at the top of my list this coming year. It’s becoming an annual quest for me. To move away from it would be to move away from the foundation of the Christian walk. Along the way, I have lost my footing in this truth. Thankfully, (for now) I’ve regained it. May we all find spiritual traction in the reality of God’s love this coming year.