Minivan Discrimination! Someone Call the Authorities!

Beth went back to work today after 12 weeks of maternity leave. During her leave, we switched cars - she drove the minivan while I took the MINI cooper. For me, it was a nice change of pace. I started driving the van about three years ago when I stayed home with our girls and wrote my doctoral dissertation. You may think that driving a van is strange for a guy. I suppose so…but I just spent 3 months driving the MINI while wearing an Express for Men wardrobe. Trust me – that raised some eyebrows, too.

I want to discuss an alarming trend in our country today: minivan discrimination. Now, don’t get me wrong – I like the van. However, a certain stigma does follow it. Minivans are known for erratic driving and illogical traffic behavior. I used to hate minivans as well for these reasons. Until I became the van driver: handing sippy cups and snacks over the seat, spending the majority of my time looking in the rear-view mirror to referee a fight, and rifling through toys while driving with my knees. Each van is accompanied by this type of behavior, compounded with speeding since (of course) vans are late to every engagement all the time.

However, as you become what I am now – a van ninja – you can do all these things without signalling to the outside world what is going on. Van ninjas look as if they are driving calmly down the road, never steering into the next lane by accident. But don’t be fooled, people. This state of perfection is more difficult than the game of golf. However, I have noticed a disturbing trend now that I have achieved van excellence. People pull out in front of vans constantly. At least 90% of the time, though there is no car behind me, a driver will pull out in front of me without hesitation.

Most other drivers assume that all van drivers are slow and incapable of efficient driving. That’s hardly the case. I drive my van like Jeff Gordon. Chances are that van drivers are doing twelve things at once – something that most regular drivers would never do…nay…could never do.  And there’s also a good chance that there are no children’s songs blaring in the background. I may be listening to the newest praise and worship CD…but it’s much more likely that we are rocking out to Cheap Trick or the Foo Fighters.

So, this is a plea to all other non-van drivers in the world. Give the minivan a chance, bro. There are van ninjas out there everywhere just looking for the chance to show off their mad skills. Don’t pull out in front of the van. Pull out behind it, knowing that the driving you will be witnessing in front of you is a work of art.

Various Thoughts, Faux Pas, and Improprieties

While still writing more on faith and science (more on Monday hopefully), I thought I would bring you up to speed on other things. Obviously, as evidenced by the pictures in my last post, daughter #3 was born – she’s quite easy going compared to the first two as newborns. Still that doesn’t stop me from spending a lot of time awake at 2 and 3 a.m. The more this occurs the more I am reminded for the third time in my life that being awake at such a time is very unnatural. Possibly demonic. Still the child needs to eat and I cannot deny her the opportunity. Why doesn’t Beth get up you may ask? Well, for starters, Beth carried our child and birthed her. I think she’s been through enough, don’t you? The least I can do is feed Ella Gray now that she’s here. Besides, I like her. I am back in the church office on Monday. Sadly, though I was able to leave the church alone for a week, the church could not do that for me. Alas, such is the life of ministry.

Keeping me occupied at 2 a.m. feedings is my new Blackberry Tour 9630 Smartphone. I had a Verizon VX6900 for almost two years and I wore that puppy out so bad that it basically refused to work anymore. In the past, I have used Palm and Windows Mobile platforms, resisting the urge the jump on the Blackberry bandwagon. Why? The same reason I refuse to join Facebook. But I must say this phone is the best I’ve ever owned. I am in love with a machine. So I prop up the child and bottle with one hand and surf the web with the other. At first I was watching TV but there is very little on to watch at that time. I did see a riveting documentary on UFOs. It creeped me out a little and so I turned on a light…

 

I’ve told you in the past that I spend a good amount of time thinking about strange (though often insignificant) questions. These questions can occupy me for weeks on end. I don’t tell my wife about these questions simply because I want  her to stay married to me. And discussing them would certainly run her off. My first strange question is one that any self-respecting religious person should ask themselves: would I make a good cult leader? After mulling over this for several days, my answer is mostly definitely yes. I personally believe I have what it takes to embarrass God.

 The second mental riddle is a little more complex. DNA consists of four bases that are abbreviated A, G, T, and C. I begin to think that all of my daughters have at least one (if not two) of these letters as their intials: ARN, CGN, EGN. I begin to think: would it be cool if I could work the initial “T” into a fourth child’s name? Then all DNA four bases would be represented in my children’s names. How cool would that be? Now that’s genetic coding, my friend! So, I began to make a mental list of male and female names that could complete the “sequence.” I doubt seriously that Beth is going to allow me to complete my own personal family of nucleotides. My only hope is that next time we’ll have twins and my dream of naming them Bonnie and Clyde will come true…

What Constitutes “Good” Parenting?, Part 2

My last post reminded me of a couple of biblical examples that spoke volumes to me about the subject of Christian parenting.

The story of Eli and his sons is the first one (1 Samuel 2:20-36). Eli’s sons were priests and spent the majority of their time abusing their privileges in self-serving ways. No one would consider them “nice, well-mannered young men.” They were first class jerks. This passage often makes it into parenting seminars as an example of a gluttonous, lazy, and personally undisciplined father and the havoc that his lack of restraint causes. The inference is clear: Eli’s sons were horrible because Eli was a bad father. I can’t tell you the number of parents I’ve seen who, upon hearing about the inappropriate behavior of their children, are washed over with guilt for the actions of their offspring. And it doesn’t matter the age – the child could be forty years old and still the parents feel they are to blame in some way. The church reinforces those stereotypes, as if the personal humiliation isn’t enough on its own.

But here’s another biblical example we don’t talk about that much: the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 8). Do you know about his kids? They were just as bad as Eli’s – possibly worse! In fact, their injustice and willingness to take bribes is what casued the Israelites to want Saul for a king. That may explain why Samuel was so against it. Even as Saul is being appointed over Israel (12:1-4), Samuel is still carrying on about his sons still being available to judge Israel – as if they are a better choice than Saul. By all “Christianese” standards, Samuel is what a parent should be: a mighty man of God, modeling service and sacrifice to God on a daily basis. Someone to be admired and imitated. Yet, his sons reject his example, despite his efforts to influence them for the better. By chapter 12, it’s obvious that Samuel thinks a king is a bad idea – but more importantly, he’s so blind to his own children’s behavior that he actually thinks they are still qualified to govern Israel.

Okay, Sam, so what’s your point? Well, it’s essentially what I said in the earlier post. Good parenting is not about cause and effect or “if you do A, you’ll get B.” It’s not a formula. Parents have to believe that our parenting makes a difference. Otherwise, it’s an overwhelming task. But for Eli and for Samuel, regardless of personal devotion to God, the spiritual formation of any child goes beyond what even the best parents can do. Ultimately each person has to recognize the pursuit of God in their life and be willing to respond. I can do my best to create an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit can draw my children into relationship. But in the end, each child’s response is their solely their own. And that’s not a bad thing. God pursues relationship with our children regardless of our behavior, simply because that’s what he wants. And his desire for their salvation far outweighs any hopes I may have for my children. So I model my Christianity, not because it’s important for them to see it. I model it because my Christianity is important to me. And as God pursues them, one day their Christianity will be important to them as well.

What Constitutes “Good” Parenting?, Part 1

I’ve been thinking about what makes someone a good parent – or better yet, what we should consider good parenting skills. I’m finding there aren’t any hard, fast rules that determine whether your child turns out to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner or an ax murderer. And most kids end up somewhere in between anyway. A couple of books have brought this question to my attention.

The first was Freakonomics. One of the chapters attempts to determine the bearing of different parenting styles on children. What the authors find is that socio-economic status has significant bearing in a specialized way. Children in middle to upper income families do better because of the opportunities that money gives them. Intelligence has little to do with it. For example, a child who reads children’s books in his/her home is likely to do well in life. But it’s not because they read better than another child. It’s because a child whose parents have enough money to buy children’s books are also going to have enough money to buy piano lessons, art lessons, etiquette classes, a private school education, etc. Baby Einstein videos don’t do much for your kid, but a parent willing to spend the money on those videos will most likely spend that same type of money on other things to make sure their children succeed. Interesting point. But it says nothing of spiritual or character formation.

The other two books were religious. The first was George Barna’s Revolutionary Parenting. This book was pretty adamant that a particular type of parent turns out spiritual “champions” on a regular basis. The type of parenting? Evangelical and conservative. That wasn’t that surprising either – Barna is an evangelical. The point was that these parents modeled a Christian lifestyle for their children and gave them multiple chances for response. But I began to think about many of the Christians I know today…and whole lot of them were not brought up in a Christian home at all. And the more serious ones had a horrible upbringing. Maybe that’s because they actually understand the gravity of salvation since they were so far from God to begin with. Or maybe they understood the ravaging effect of sin in a more personal way. There is some truth to the idea that great sinners make great Christians. So Barna’s approach leaves out a whole lot of people.

The final book was Tony Dungy’s Quiet Strength. In the second chapter or so, Dungy talks about the exceptional example his parents provided for him. They were strong, church-attending Christians and both had higher level educational training (the holy grail of secularists). Both were teachers. By our society’s standards, that’s the one-two punch. It’s easy to talk about how great his parents must have been and that surely this was the reason for Dungy’s successful coaching career. But the last paragraph of the chapter throws a wrench in that scenario. Dungy stated that it wasn’t until years later as an adult that he made a commitment to Christ. Huh? Wait a minute. If anybody should have been a great Christian from the start it should have been him. He had Christianity and education. But it didn’t impact him as much as we all assumed (or hoped) it would.

So what am I trying to say? As parents we have to believe that our parenting makes a difference. Otherwise, it’s an overwhelming task. By secular standards, socio-economic status determines our success in life. But for Christians, it has to be more than that. Yet in both of the Christian books I described, the spiritual formation of any child goes beyond what even the best parents can do. In fact, some Christian parents who do everything right, end up driving their children away from God. As much as parents would like to believe that model parenting matters (and it can certainly help things), ultimately each person on this planet has to recognize the pursuit of God in their life and be willing to respond. I’ve come to understand that there is no way I can really introduce my children to God. Now, I can surely model the importance of personal relationship before them. I can also place them in environments where the Holy Spirit can draw them to him. But in the end that’s between my child and God. And there’s nothing I can do about that.

But there’s hope. I also believe that God will go to the same extremes that he has done with me and my wife in order to develop a relationship with my children. God doesn’t pursue a relationship with my children because I want him to. He pursues them because he wants to. And his desire for their salvation far outweighs any hopes I may have for my children. So I model my Christianity, not because it’s important for them to see it. I model it because my Christianity is important to me. And as God pursues them, one day their Christianity will be important to them as well. Not as a cultural condition, but as a genuine love response to the overwhelming goodness of their Creator.

My Children Cause Me to Sin!

Children have a strange effect on their parents. Mine do. I thought I’d discuss one of the most unique ways my children have impacted my life.

Most Christians were taught to not take the Lord’s name in vain. After all, it is one of the commandments, you know. We normally assume this means not saying the phrase, “Oh my God” or something similar. Of course if you believe taking the Lord’s name in vain has something to do with stringing a particular set of words together, you may be missing the point of that commandment. It might have something more to do with actions than words alone (just a thought). But in the deep South, we have acceptable forms of “taking the Lord’s name in vain” that don’t apply everywhere else in the world. We have phrases like “Lordy, Lordy!” or my personal favorite: “Oh, good Lord!”

I say, “Oh, good Lord” all the time. My children elicit this colorful, yet worshipful response from me, particularly when attempting to get them dressed, to clean up their room, and most often at bedtime (specifically after the third call after I have told them to go to sleep). But I’ve noticed something. My traditional phrase has slowly developed a life its own with extra words being added depending upon the severity of the infraction being described. First came, “Oh, good Lord in heaven above!” Then came, “Oh, good Lord of heaven above and creator of all we survey!” No joke; I’ve actually said that.

However, last week, I hit the pinnacle of Southern “name-in-vain” taking. In a moment of abysmal desperation (caused by Annagale, no doubt) I said the following words: “OH, GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN AND CREATOR OF ALL WE SURVEY WHO HAS WROUGHT WITHIN OUR SINFUL HEARTS THAT BLESSED EVENT AFFECTIONATELY REFERRED TO BY MANY AS SALVATION!!” Or something like that.

That moment in time was a personal best for me. “Ninja skills” in taking the Lord’s name in vain, if you will. I believe Napoleon Dynamite would be proud of my newly acquired skills. The girls certainly were. The above phrase is at least the Southern equivalent of that time-honored Catholic phrase: “Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the saints!” It also may replace my previous personal best: “Son of a motherless goat!” which sounds much worse than it actually is.

Just another example of how my children push me to new heights of greatness. It is in these moments that I am most thankful for my children.

Godly Marriage, Pt. 3: What Does a Christian Family Look Like?

Okay, on to the famous marriage passage in Ephesians 5:18-33 (NLT):

“Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts…And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

 ”As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

 There’s a lot in here to digest but let’s just pull some of the most overlooked parts out for a minute. Most pastors start with verse 22 – the part about wives submitting to husbands, passing over the preceding verses that qualify it. The whole passage starts where Paul talks about being filled with the Spirit.  What does he mean? He gives us an example – drunkenness, actually. When someone is inebriated, they have assigned their will over to a chemical that makes their decisions for them.  We call this impaired judgment – others call it being smashed.  In the same way, being filled with the Spirit is to allow the Spirit to affect your decisions and life strategies.  Make sense? We are to be “filled with the Spirit” to the point where it affects our judgment. Though I’ve never studied it out, I’ve heard that the grammar in the original here has a fluid, loose feel to it almost as if Paul was writing in a drunken way to convey his point. You Greek scholars out there can let us history people know if that’s accurate or not.

Next, before Paul says anything about wives submitting, he states in verse 21 that we are to submit to “one another in the fear of the Lord” (NKJV). Here we have mutual voluntary submission - a state of equality and interdependence under the Lord (similar to the concept of the social Trinity I might add…). Paul doesn’t say anything about the husband being higher up on the ladder of spiritual maturity than the wife. They receive equal investment under God.  After addressing this mutual submission under God, only then does Paul delve into the specifics of marriage.

I’ll finish up next post…

What Constitutes “Good” Parenting?, Part 2

I wrote about this a while back and have since been reminded of a couple of biblical examples that spoke volumes to me.

The story of Eli and his sons is the first one (1 Samuel 2:20-36). Eli’s sons were priests and spent the majority of their time abusing their privileges in unholy ways. No one would consider them “nice, well-mannered young men.” They were first class jerks. This passage often makes it into parenting seminars as an example of a gluttonous, lazy, and personally undisciplined father and the havoc that his lack of restraint caused. In other words, Eli’s sons were horrible because Eli was a bad father. I can’t tell you the number of parents I’ve seen who, upon hearing about the inappropriate behavior of their children, are washed over with guilt for the actions of their offspring. And it doesn’t matter the age – the child could be forty years old and still the parents feel they are to blame in some way. The church reinforces those stereotypes, as if the personal humiliation isn’t enough on its own.

But here’s another biblical example we don’t talk about that much: the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 8). Do you know about his kids? They were just as bad as Eli’s – possibly worse! In fact, their injustice and willingness to take bribes is what casued the Israelites to want Saul for a king. That may explain why Samuel was so against it. Even as Saul is being appointed over Israel (12:1-4), Samuel is still carrying on about his sons still being available to judge Israel – as if they are a better choice than Saul. By all “Christianese” standards, Samuel is what a parent should be: a mighty man of God, modeling service and sacrifice to God on a daily basis. Someone to be admired and imitated. Yet, his sons reject his example, despite his efforts to influence them for the better. By chapter 12, it’s obvious that Samuel thinks a king is a bad idea – but more importantly, he’s so blind to his own children’s behavior that he actually thinks they are still qualified to govern Israel.

Okay, Sam, so what’s your point? Well, it’s essentially what I said in the earlier post. Good parenting is not about cause and effect or “if you do A, you’ll get B.” It’s not a formula. Parents have to believe that our parenting makes a difference. Otherwise, it’s an overwhelming task. But for Eli and for Samuel, regardless of personal devotion to God, the spiritual formation of any child goes beyond what even the best parents can do. Ultimately each person has to recognize the pursuit of God in their life and be willing to respond. I can do my best to create an atmosphere where the Holy Spirit can draw my children. But in the end, each child’s response is their own. But that’s not a bad thing. God pursues relationship with our children regardless of our behavior, simply because that what he wants. And his desire for their salvation far outweighs any hopes I may have for my children. So I model my Christianity, not because it’s important for them to see it. I model it because my Christianity is important to me. And as God pursues them, one day their Christianity will be important to them as well.

One Wish for My Children

I walked past my oldest daughter’s room this afternoon during her nap – she still occasionally takes one if she’s been playing hard that day. I stopped for a minute. Sometimes when I look at my children, I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for them. This was one of those moments – but it was also a time when I thought, I really hope I can teach and model the important things in life for her. I thought about life lessons that mattered to me now and also those that I thought were much more important than they really were when I was a child. I have spent a lot of time majoring on the minors, particularly as a young adult.

Of course the first life lesson I thought of was “love God.” That seemed like a right answer – certainly the answer everyone would expect a Christian parent to say to their child. But I got to thinking about the connotations behind that simple phrase. So much of my life was spent assuming that loving God involved “doing” or performing for him. I’ve talked about that wretched cycle here. But I really would like something more for my own children. That’s when I thought, maybe our life’s goal should be to let God love us. That’s was what I had missed all along. I was uncomfortable knowing that I hadn’t done something for God spectacular enough to merit his love. People in the church talk a good game about this – almost always quoting phrases about being saved by grace and something about unmerited favor. But honestly, what I see in the church is Christians working overtime to “prove” to God that they are worthy of the “unmerited” grace they have already been given.

Part of this has to do with our view of God. I’m a big believer that the more we understand God, the more we are comfortable trusting him. That goes the other way as well – lordship is impossible to give when you don’t trust God. See, God is a recreational being. He’s social. He’s playful and interactive. He likes relationship and relates to himself within the persons of the Trinity. Like we were talking about in Sunday school the other day, the last thing God was before the creation of the world was lonely. God is a recreational being completely fulfilled in the give and take of all the members of the Trinity.

We’re merely meant to dance the cosmic dance with our recreational God. That’s where our fulfillment comes from as well – not from another human. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with loving your family and friends. But there’s more to life than that. In Genesis, when God decides to make Eve, he does so because he thinks it will be good for Adam. But nowhere in the biblical account does Adam say he is lonely. Adam was complete just by socially relating to his Maker. But in creating Eve, God imitates his own recreational and social nature. That’s amazing to me.

So, that’s my wish for my children – not that they’ll love God, but that they will being willing to let God love them. That’s where fulfillment lies – within the realization of total acceptance by a relational and recreational God who’s whole intent is to give them their heart’s desire. Sound far-fetched? I don’t think so. It’s something I’m learning to walk in. I hope I can help my children understand that as much as God has captured their heart, they have also captured his. And that was God’s plan all along. 

An Unusual Way the Bible Can Affect Your Family for the Better

My wife and I are in the process of reading all of Patrick Lencioni’s management books. I finished my first yesterday: Three Signs of a Miserable Job. If you manage people in any way, you should read these “leadership fables.” Invaluable information…

The Bible is an Eastern book. It has Eastern culture, economics, social stigmas, literary style, etc., at its core. I believe that without this contextual “lens,” the ultimate meaning of the Bible, at best, is less impacting than in Jesus’s time.

However, some aspects of the Bible’s Eastern flavor seem to find their way into our lives without searching for it. Two of them are the Eastern understanding of family roles and the oriental emphasis on shame and honor. It’s significant to me that there are technically two types of “shame” in Eastern societies. One is negative and the other is positive. The negative one condemns inappropriate behavior and the positive one helps individuals “save face” when confronted with a difficult situation. For example the persistent friend in Luke 11:5-8, Westerners assume that the friend banging on the door late at night has commited cultural taboo. But actually, it’s the manwho refuses to open the foor and provide food for a town visitor that would have infuriated Jesus’s listeners. He violated basic oriental cultural standards of hospitality.

Though these Eastern ideas don’t make it into our Bible interpretation very often (which means we usually miss the intended point ), the Christian family can easily adopt these Eastern cultural norms for their own. My family did. We were different than other families I knew just based on emphasis of lifestyle. Though it certainly had to do with our Christianity, it also stemmed from living like an Eastern family in a Western world. Just by studying scripture, my brother and I absorbed Eastern understandings of right and wrong. We valued time, honor, authority, family rank, and so on without really understanding that the cultural emphasis for these concepts came straight outta scripture (not Compton). When I went out with friends or on a date at age 16, I fully understood that my family’s name and honor where on the line with each decision I made. I understood “losing face” without knowing what to call it. That was a greater deterrent than any punishment that may have followed an infraction. My other friends often saw themselves as individuals apart from their families – doing their own thing. I saw myself as part of a larger picture. Honestly, it made my decisions look weird to my friends.

Sometimes, those same cultural understandings, though appropriate for a family unit with children, become burdensome later in life if parents still enforce them on their adult children. But that doesn’t invalidate their usefulness during the parenting years. In fact, they may be vital to helping a child understand the impact his/her decisions make on others. Some of those “Eastern” family practices are still used with my two daughters now. Others aren’t. But I know this much though: families with an Eastern understanding of honor are aware of one another. They respect each other more. And that makes them treat one another better, something all families could use a little more of. 

The “Stay-at-Home” Mentality: From a Guy’s Perspective

I just finished Roger Olsen’s Reformed and Always Reforming: The Postconservative Approach to Evangelical Theology. Great Book!

 I haven’t talked about “stay-at-home” world in a little while so I thought I’d post on that. You can catch-up on our “great experiment” (as we like to call it) here and here.

After I came home from a pastoral position to stay with our two girls, a lot of things changed for me. Probably my favorite story about that happened a few months into the experiment. One afternoon, I picked up the phone and it was a telemarketer on the other end – a very nice, gentle, sweet, female voice asking for a moment of my time. I let her do her opening sales pitch and politely declined. This is when I noticed something different. I started sweating. She continued to ask if I would reconsider, but the thought of telling her no made my heart race. Then I realized she was the first person I had talked to other than my children the entire day. My voice started shaking and my breathing got short. I finally got off the phone and actually said out loud to myself “What is going on here! I used to speak to several hundred people at a time with no problem!” Of course, my wife laughed at me hysterically when I told her that evening – such a supportive spouse… Usually this story is completely lost on working dads…but not the stay at home moms.

That’s when I began to make mental notes as a guy about the common obstacles that women face when they stay at home full time. In fact, the stories I had heard about “stay at homers” invariably became true for me as well. I became overly emotional about the smallest things – things I formerly would have dismissed as unimportant as the working dad. I began to understand that those “insignificant” things that stay at homers talk about are the only things to talk about. I also dealt with isolation – though I partially needed that isolation to finish school work. Along with that isolation, you actually do laugh at your own jokes and give yourself running commentary on how it would be funnier if you had said this instead of that. That type of isolation makes me think of that joke about “if a tree falls in the woods…” only for the stay at homer, the joke goes: “if a parent stays at home, if know one talks to them, are they still really at home.”

Stay at home parents also deal with guilt – in essence, they are their own moral police, for better or for worse and guilt can be a strong motivator. You feel guilty for taking any kind of break. Even as a self-starter, “type A” kind of guy, I deal with this every day. Just the other day I felt a wave of guilt wash over me for cleaning up my three-year-old’s mess rather than making her clean it up. But then I realized just how crazy that logic is. Though I “deprived” my three-year-old the opportunity to reinforce clean-up time, I was feeling guilty about doing something grown-ups rarely do either – clean up their own mess! So I was feeling guilty about doing something no one wants to do anyway. Do you see how twisted that is? Geez… 

Plus, stay at home parents feel the crushing weight of responsibility for their child’s cognitive, emotional, and, for some, spiritual development. It drives you to never waste a second of “learning  opportunities” during the day. But in the process, you drive your children insane! They rebel, and you enforce more learning opportunities. It’s the cycle from hell! Yet, in the pit of your stomach you know that there really are only a few things you can actually control in life. But that doesn’t stop you from making sure your kid eats every last bite of that PB & J – like that contributes to their moral character or something.

Then there’s the boredom thing. Of course, stay at homers feel guilty about the fact that they’re bored, too. Once again, school work has kept me plenty busy, but I still have my moments. The problem is this: there’s plenty of things to do…but none of them are the least bit entertaining. Plus, many of those activities are maintenance oriented. There’s only so many times you can say to yourself: “man, I just washed these jeans/mopped this floor/straightened those cushions/emptied those dishes” before it starts to seem like a pointless endeavor. This is compounded by the fact that many times, working parents are oblivious to these types of household chores. So, you may boycott them on principle for a few days, but unfortunately nobody notices….so, you sigh and empty the dishwasher again.

Now, I know this sounds a little strange to you coming from a guy. But honestly, guys who stay at home feel the exact way that women do. That’s because many of those feelings are environmentally conditioned. Often, the same is true of women who work full-time – they acquire the mentality normally associated with a “working dad.” So it’s a different type of stress. One (the worker) type makes you skip lunch to work on some spreadsheet due by 5:00 that day, while the other (stay at home) type makes you want to eat lunch twice. Either way, the reality of the other person’s life is difficult to imagine until you’ve actually done what they do on a daily basis. Both have their distinct challenges. I’m thankful I’ve had the opportunity to do both.