Walk His Way: He Forgave, Part 3

Now let’s talk about the nuts and bolts of forgiveness for a few minutes. When I talk about forgiveness like I have the last several minutes, the idea of forgiveness for most of us becomes impractical. Either we feel that we’ll be disingenuous in forgiving others or we will become “doormats” for the rest of the world. As I said before, forgiveness does not condone the behavior of another, letting them “off the hook” so to speak – as if forgiving someone means conceding defeat – or that we “lose” when we forgive. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want to use another analogy to show you how forgiveness occurs. I heard an illustration concerning forgiveness by Yale Divinity School professor Miroslav Volf a few years ago that deeply impacted my understanding of forgiveness. At that time in my life, I was wrestling with exactly what forgiveness meant and how I could forgive in a more complete way. The tired rhetoric of “just forgive and forget” or “you better forgive or God won’t forgive you” really rubbed me the wrong way. Comments like that seemed “cheap” – like they were shouted from an ivory tower. It dismissed my pain and seemed to force me to condone the perpetrator’s acts. His illustration helped me tremendously with this so I wanted to share it with you.

Volf says forgiveness is like a present. Forgiveness is given as a gift to another. Most people are happy to receive the gift of forgiveness…but they have to open the gift in order to receive it fully. What’s inside the box? The accusation of wrong-doing. In order to take the gift of forgiveness, the offender must take the responsibility for the fact that his or her decision crushed the heart of another. Forgiveness is not only a gift – it’s a scathing indictment. Forgiveness has two parts: 1) you hurt me and 2) I forgive you.

So, receiving forgiveness requires us to admit that we need to be forgiven. Obviously this is true with the gift of the cross. We receive forgiveness from Christ after we admit that we need that forgiveness. And that’s usually the hardest part. Though we are happy to do this with Jesus, what about with each other? That was my issue: How do I grant forgiveness without giving the impression that I condone the betrayal? That’s when I began to understand that forgiveness happens in stages – it’s a process. A Christian needs to extend forgiveness to others, but that doesn’t mean their forgiveness will be fully received, simply because of the indictment it contains. Sometimes the perpetrator may choose to never open the gift…and we can’t make them unwrap it.

So, what we find mostly among people is partial forgiveness. Here are some examples:

• The victim has forgiven but the accused refuses to accept responsibility of any wrongdoing.
• Or, similarly, the accused refuses responsibility saying their actions were necessary for some greater good – something seen as more important than the victim’s betrayal.
• Or the accused dies before forgiveness can be extended to them. 
• On the other hand, sometimes the guilty desires forgiveness, but the victim refuses to grant it as a form of punishment.

In all these cases, partial reconciliation is a best case scenario. Forgiveness remains in a partial state of completion. Sometimes things stay that way until the end of time – when both people can see forgiveness in the light of heaven.

So, what are you saying, Sam? I’m saying that forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness can only occur when both people are ready. Forgiveness is not a cheap way out for either party – the accused is not let off the hook and the victim doesn’t sweep their feelings under a rug of “Christianese” – religious language that really means nothing. True forgiveness is more than a concession to what we were taught in Sunday school – it is about making things right. Sometimes accepting forgiveness requires the accused to take the time to regain the trust of the betrayed – that long arduous journey is part of forgiveness. Because of this, forgiveness in our fallen world happens in shades of completion. We should be patient with others as they come to terms with the cost of forgiveness. And if you desire the forgiveness of another, make sure you are willing to accept that’s inside the box…

There’s a popular author and speaker named Rob Bell who pastors a church in the Seattle area. Rob’s always interesting to read or to watch, simply because he likes to think outside of the box. He approaches topics in a simple but unique way. I was watching one of Rob’s videos about two years ago and he said something that has stuck with me since then. How do you know forgiveness has occurred in your heart towards another person? Rob says that happens when you can “wish the other person well.” Now, that gives us a goal, doesn’t it? – an end to bitterness and resentment. Notice that doesn’t mean we ever have to condone the behaviors that created such grief our lives. We merely have to release that person from our judgment. God can bless everyone. He can also correct everyone. That’s his job.

Our job is to recognize that forgiveness comes in stages. And that takes time. It’s a process that may never find its completion until we are embraced in the Father’s love. Until then, we must accept that we see “through a glass darkly.” But as the Father’s love continues to fill our hearts, eventually…not immediately…but eventually, he will help us find a way to forgive so that we can wish well those who have hurt us. Over time, we will find ourselves able to say the words of Jesus: “Freely you have received, freely give.” 

Walk His Way: He Forgave, Part 2

Okay, so why do we forgive? Well, the obvious (and correct) reason is because Jesus forgave us. But rarely do we unpack that idea so that it makes sense to us. Last week Leigh Ann talked about loving others. Our ultimate example of this is Christ’s love for us displayed at the cross. There are a lot of ways to look at the cross…but personally that’s my favorite. I can’t explain all the theories about how forgiveness occurred at the cross (at least not in a Sunday morning sermon). But I can explain why. That one is pretty easy. God forgave us because God loves us. Forgiveness, though important in itself, had a larger purpose: it was a way to show us God’s love. 

Maybe this example will help clarify. The day after Thanksgiving every year, Beth and I decorate the house for Christmas. It takes a lot of work to decorate a house, however – and all of our decorations are stored in the attic. I spend more time than I’d like to in our attic and, for the record, I can’t stand it. This past Christmas I spent my time up there singing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” hoping that the song would have some sort of reverse psychological effect on my surroundings. It didn’t. I still hate the attic. But I survived the whole experience once again.

The girls love to “help” us decorate. I believe only one ornament was broken this year – a new record! A few hours into the endeavor our youngest daughter, Annagale, got into trouble and was banished to her room for a while. When she came out, she apologized to her mom for the grievance, as is normally the case. But this time, something unique happened. Beth told Annagale, “That’s okay sweetie, I forgive you” and Annagale responded by throwing her arms around her mother and saying loudly: “Awww! I love you too, Mom!” I was walking through the room and stopped mid-stride. Never before had I heard such an excellent example of the interconnection between love and forgiveness. Beth said I forgive you, but Annagale heard I love you.

I realized that what I had just heard was a great example of my belief that God’s forgiveness at the cross was merely a result of his larger emphasis to show us how much he loved us. All elements of forgiveness in the cross are an outward manifestation of God’s self-disclosing love. Annagale experienced this with her mother. She innately understood that forgiveness is only granted from love. So, she merely skipped the result and affirmed the root of Beth’s forgiveness toward her: the deep love of a parent for their child. Forgiveness is merely an outworking of God’s deeper divine character. Unfailing love engenders unfailing forgiveness. Jesus basically gives us the same scenario when he describes the Father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed or not, but the term “forgiveness,” (one Christians are obsessive about when talking of Jesus) is nowhere to be found in that story. Yet, there’s no doubt that forgiveness was on the mind of the father as he bounded up the road to hug and kiss his estranged child. That forgiveness is buried within the actions of an unconditionally loving father. It never has to be said. It’s just part of the deal. Forgiveness is a byproduct of love wrapped in the arms of a nurturing God.

In the first passage from Matthew, Jesus illustrates the same point in a different way. The disciples, just like us today, wanted a solid number of times they had to forgive before they could “write off” an offender for good. Peter actually quotes the correct number of times for pronouncing vengeance in Jewish law, figuring if seven times is enough for judgment, then certainly seven times is enough for forgiveness. Jesus’s answer – seventy-sevens or seventy times seven (490) – was startling for all those who heard it. Jesus does what many Jewish exegetes of the day did – he makes an allusion or (as like to call them) “echo” to another passage of scripture. Often we miss this since we don’t catch those background clues in a passage. The scripture Jesus refers to is Genesis 4. Around verse 18, a guy named Lamech shows up as one of the descendants of Cain. Lamech sings a song where he boasts of killing someone who had “wounded” him. Jesus alludes to or “echoes” Lamech’s response: “If someone who kills Cain is punished seven times, then he who kills me will be punished seventy-seven times!” or “seventy sevens” – the same number Jesus says we should forgive. In Jesus’s time, everyone would’ve recognized his “echo” about Lamech.

Jesus was saying this: as much as Lamech harbored resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness in his heart, to that same extreme we should embrace forgiveness for those who wrong us. As depraved as Lamech’s will to murder was, our willingness to forgive should be that much greater. Now that’s a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it? The number 490 (seventy times seven) is not a math equation or some sort of mental gymnastics. It’s symbolic for something more. It’s about the nature of forgiveness. If we’re keeping count of the number of times we have to forgive, we aren’t really forgiving at all. That’s merely seeing what we can get away with! True forgiveness is beyond a measurable number – it’s eternal and permanent. Paul picks this up in Colossians when he said, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” In other words, forgive with the same eternal quality that God forgave us.

Walk His Way: He Forgave, Part 1

I preached this last Sunday. The audio and transcript are available here.

 

Walk His Way: He Forgave

May 31, 2009

Matthew 18:21-22; Colossians 3:12-14

 

Anybody recognize that song we played during the offering? It’s “Positively 4^th Street” by Bob Dylan. It was written around the time of his landmark album Highway 61 Revisited. Let me read you some of the lyrics:

You got a lotta nerve/To say you are my friend/When I was down/You just stood there grinning

You got a lotta nerve/To say you got a helping hand to lend/You just want to be on/The side that’s winning

You say I let you down/You know it’s not like that/If you’re so hurt/Why then don’t you show it?

You see me on the street/You always act surprised/You say, “How are you?” “Good luck”/But you don’t mean it

When you know as well as me/You’d rather see me paralyzed/Why don’t you just come out once/And scream it

Yes, I wish that for just one time/You could stand inside my shoes/You’d know what a drag it is/To see you

No one really knows what this song is about – there a couple of theories out there. But what intrigues me about this song is its perfect description of an unforgiving heart. Bitter. Closed. Cynical. Sarcastic.  The song oozes anger and resentment towards someone for something they did in the past. An emotional wound that has never fully healed and with every encounter on the street or in a restaurant or in the grocery store, the victim’s stomach turns in disgust.

I think everybody has suffered at the hand of another and has struggled with the issue of forgiveness. I know I have. You know the routine. As the resentment sets in we think of things we should have said or done at the time. Eventually, we go out of our way to distance ourselves from that person. As Christians we know we ought to forgive, but the emotions and pain of the incident always seem to overwhelm the “ought” factor. So we continue reliving those moments like videos in our mind, focusing on the various details. But no matter what aspect of the pain we focus on, we are always outraged at how we’ve been treated.

 Of course (being good Southerners) when we do see that wretched individual out in public, at work, or even at church, we follow Bob Dylan’s description perfectly: You see me on the street/You always act surprised/You say, “How are you?” “Good luck”/But you don’t mean it/When you know as well as me/You’d rather see me paralyzed/Why don’t you just come out once/And scream it? Yet, we never do. We continue to seethe in our own stew of disappointment, resentment, and anger. What’s worse, not only do we become suspicious of the motives of those who have hurt us before. We let that same suspicion cloud our judgment of every person we meet. We start drawing lines (or categories): “All men do that. That’s what I expect from those type of people. That’s just how women are. That’s typical behavior of someone with that upbringing.” And we wall ourselves off from anyone who shows the slightest potential for hurting us.

 As part of our “Walk His Way” series, by now you’ve figured out our topic today is forgiveness. When we were sitting around the conference table during staff meeting doling out these topics, everyone pretty quickly agreed that forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to do, much less preach about. That’s when everyone turned in my direction and someone (I forget exactly who) said: “Let the new guy do it!” I must say that though I am extremely sad to see Leigh Ann go, there is one advantage to getting a new senior minister – I won’t be the new guy anymore! At least for that I can be grateful.

 Forgiveness is a difficult topic to address. I’ve heard countless sermons by ministers glossing over forgiveness like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Just forgive. Make up your mind and just do it,” they say. I always think to myself, “What about the pain of those who receive the injustice? Aren’t we trivializing their heartache?” I promised myself I would never minimize the pain of another person…and that’s what makes forgiveness so difficult to speak about. We feel like forgiveness lets the offender “off the hook” in some way. It doesn’t and we’ll talk about that some more in a minute.

Slow Blogging Week…

Hey people.

The short work week, normal job stuff, along with writing the weekend sermon will keep me absent from the blog. In other words, this is it. I’m preaching Sunday about forgiveness (the whys and hows). I plan to use “Positively 4th Street” by Bob Dylan as my starting point. Hilarious song – here’s a link if you’ve never heard it. Some of the funniest lyrics of all time:

“Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You’d know what a drag it is
To see you”

If you’ve got any input, I am always open to it…

The Other Side of Forgiveness

I heard an illustration concerning forgiveness by Miroslav Volf a few years ago that deeply impacted me. At that time in my life, I was wrestling with exactly what forgiveness meant and how I could forgive in a more complete way. The tired rhetoric of “just forgive and forget” or “you better forgive or God won’t forgive you” really rubbed me the wrong way. Comments like that seemed “cheap.” It dismissed the individual’s pain from the incident and seemed condone the perpetrator’s acts. His illustration helped me tremendously with this so I wanted to share it with you.

Volf says forgiveness is like a present. It is given as a gift to another. People are happy to take the gift of forgiveness…but they have to open the box in order to receive it fully. What’s inside the box? The accusation of wrong-doing. In order to take the gift of forgiveness, the offender must take the responsibility for the fact that his or her decision crushed the heart of another. Forgiveness is not only a gift – it’s a scathing indictment.

Similarly, receiving forgiveness requires us to admit that we need to be forgiven. Obviously this is true with the gift of the cross. We receive forgiveness from Christ after we admit that we need that forgiveness. And that’s usually the hardest part. Though we are happy to do this with Jesus, what about with each other? That was my question. How do I grant forgiveness without giving the impression that I condone the betrayal? That’s when I begin to understand that forgiveness happens in stages – it’s a process. A Christian needs to extend forgiveness to others, but that doesn’t mean their forgiveness will be fully received, simply because of the indictment it contains.

So, what we find mostly among people is partial forgiveness. The victim has forgiven but the accused refuses blame. Or the accused qualifies their actions were necessary for some greater good – something seen as more important than the victim’s betrayal. Or the accused dies before forgiveness can be extended to them. On the other hand, sometimes a perpetrator desires forgiveness, but the victim refuses to grant it. In all these cases, partial reconciliation is a best case scenario. Forgiveness remains in a partial state of completion. Sometimes things stay that way until the end of time – when both people can see forgiveness in the light of heaven.

So what are you saying, Sambo? I’m saying that forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness should occur when both people are ready. Forgiveness is not a cheap out for either party – the accused is not let off the hook and the victim doesn’t sweep their feelings under a rug of “Christianese.” True forgiveness is more than a concession to what we were taught in Sunday school – it is about making things right. Accepting forgiveness requires the accused to take the time to regain the trust of the betrayed – that long arduous journey is part of forgiveness. Because of this, forgiveness in our fallen world happens in shades of completion. We should be patient with others as they come to terms with the cost of forgiveness.

If you receive the forgiveness of another, make sure you are willing to accept what’s inside the box…

Which God Do You Worship?

I was thinking about something the other day. I love the parable of the prodigal son and refer to it a lot when I teach. But I had never thought of it like this until the other day.

We all have images of God in our heads. Some are passed through the grid of our parental upbringing or maybe through our understanding of American culture. I think the parable of the prodigal son addresses that. Jesus is telling a story that contrasts his view of the Father with the images of God that the Pharisees had erected for the Jewish people. Jesus’s image of God specifically contradicts two forms of God we see in the actions of the younger and older sons.

The younger son’s vision of the father is that of a judge. That’s why he prepares his speech on the way home.  Why wait for condemnation to fall when you can go ahead and admit your guilt and declare your unworthiness, right? So that’s what the younger son did. His father came down the road and he immediately launched into his speech where he “pre-judged” himself as unworthy, a failure, and an embarrassment. But that’s not how the father in the parable judged him. He judged him worthy, accepted, and loved. This represents a better understanding of Jewish judgment: one of rescue, relief, and deliverance. I’ve talked about that here. In the Old Testament, a judge rescued God’s people from destruction, not condemned them in a court of law. But the father in this story took it even further: he says that it was “necessary” (v. 32) that they have a party for the younger son. The younger son, who assumed his transgressions would be met with fierceness and anger, was met with dismissal of his self-condemnation, riotous laughter, and dancing in the street. The younger son was dead wrong about who his father truly was.

The older son is little better. He sees his father as a slave owner. Hence his descriptions of working his fingers to the bone and never leaving the farm. It’s also why the older son was so angry about not receiving rewards and honors. He expected to be rewarded for his deeds, like an employee. But the father refutes the view that he’s a slave owner or task master also. He says “My dear child, everything I have is yours.” The father had trouble understanding the dilemma the older son faced. It would be like if you went outside to the garage, looked at your new Lexus, and bemoaned the fact that it wasn’t yours. Or going to your closet full of new clothes and saying, “If only these clothes were mine, I would be so happy.” The point was that the older son wasn’t a slave: he was the son. The father rejects the older son’s view of him as a slave driver as well.

The point? Jesus was telling us not only telling us who the Father was. He was also telling us who the Father wasn’t. He wasn’t the judge or the task master the Pharisees made him out to be. So why did the Pharisees project this image of God? A couple of reasons come to mind. First, it achieved the result they were looking for: compliance, obedience, control, racial exclusivity. Second, they were merely passing down to the population what they needed God to be for themselves. They needed God to be a judge and slave driver to perform. In other words, sometimes it’s easier to hold God at arm’s length and work for him rather than crawl up in his lap. Part of that is because, just like the younger son, we’re not sure God wants us in his lap – even when he says he does. We think God is there to judge us and give us a list of things to do that will please him.

But that’s not the God that either son faced in this parable. The younger son met a smiling Father who ran to meet him, gave him a big hug, restored him, and invited the town to celebrate with him. After insulting his Father publicly, the older son met a gentle Father who used terms of endearment to address him and reminded him that anything and everything he had was his. And that there was no reason to work for something you had been freely given.

That God – that smiling, dancing, laughing, forgiving, entreating, hugging, giving, celebrating God – is the one that delights in every spare moment you give him. Now that’s a God worth worshipping.

Does God “Need” Jesus to Forgive?

Okay, if you were raised in the church like I was, you got a steady diet of forgiveness talk, usually centering around the cross. Of course, there are plenty of atonement theories to wade through in all your spare time – I talk about those here and here. In most people’s minds, forgiveness is not really a God-like trait, but more of a Christ-like trait. After all, basic evangelicalism teaches us that the cross was necessary in order for God to forgive humanity. Though no one ever says it, we were taught that forgiveness couldn’t happen without the cross. In order for that to be true, any references to God’s forgiveness without Jesus should be absent from other parts of the Bible, particularly the Old Testament. But that’s not the case. Curious? Are you squirming in your seat yet? Read on, my friend…

 Here are two verses (there are plenty of others) from the OT that express God’s forgiveness outside of the work of Jesus.

Numbers 14:20-22:

“Then the Lord said, ‘I will pardon them as you have requested. But as surely as I live, and as surely as the earth is filled with the Lord’s glory, not one of these people will ever enter that land.’”

This passage is early on in God’s relationship with Israel and though we assume that Deuteronomic covenant conditions dictate God’s forgivess/pardon of the Hebrews, in this case, it doesn’t. What is the deciding factor? Moses’s request for God to reconsider destroying the Hebrews. And what does Moses use as a foundation for the Hebrews pardon in vv. 17-19? God’s song. And based on his loyal character, God reconsiders and forgives. At the same time, in this passage, God does not lift the consequences of the Hebrews’ sin. But check out this verse…

Micah 7:18-20:

Where is another God like you,
      who pardons the guilt of the remnant,
      overlooking the sins of his special people?
      You will not stay angry with your people forever,
      because you delight in showing unfailing love.
 Once again you will have compassion on us.
      You will trample our sins under your feet
      and throw them into the depths of the ocean!
 You will show us your faithfulness and unfailing love
      as you promised to our ancestors Abraham and Jacob long ago. 

As God’s involvement with Israel continues over the centuries, his loyalty alwaysoutlasts the failings of the people. By the time of the prophet Micah, God’s “delight in showing unfailing love” moves him to a place of forgiveness. God (pre-incarnation) forgives without the cross specifically mentioned. Now, Christians love to read this passage as a future understanding of God’s plan of salvation in Jesus. But that’s not really what Micah was saying, is it? If we take this part of the Bible seriously, we must accept the beautiful reality that God has always had the ability to forgive sin. God never treats sin in a casual manner, but he does forgive it before the historical event of the atonement occurs.

How is that possible? Well, what’s really at issue here is God’s unfailing loyalty. Forgiveness is merely an outworking of that deeper divine character. Unfailing love breeds forgiveness. Jesus basically gives us the same scenario as the prophets when he describes the Father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed or not, but the term forgiveness, one Christians are obsessive about when talking of Jesus, is nowhere to be found in that story. Yet, there’s no doubt that forgiveness was on the mind of the father as he bounded up the road to hug and kiss his estranged child. That forgiveness is buried within the actions of an unconditionally loving father. It never has to be said. It’s just part of the deal.

So does God “need” Jesus to forgive? No. But God, after expressing that loyalty through other avenues like the prophets, finally chose to express that forgives through the sacrifice of Jesus so that we can grasp the incredible love of the Father. The intention was that though he may be misunderstood in the writings of the prophets and his dealings with Israel, the cross can never be misunderstood. All three persons of the Trinity we in co-mission at the cross, enabling, standing beside, and creating the greatest event in human history. Yet, somehow we still don’t get it – we create scenarios and a priori arguments of God necessitating the sacrifice of another to appease his wrath. And if you’re looking to placate and angry view of God, then the cross certainly works. But what about the verses above? They don’t diminish the beauty of Christ’s work on the cross…but they do emphasize the unfailing loyalty of the Father that has always existed – even before the cross. It seems God has been forgiving all along.

The Other Side of Forgiveness

I heard an illustration concerning forgiveness by Miroslav Volf a few years ago that deeply impacted me. At that time in my life, I was wrestling with exactly what forgiveness meant and how I could forgive in a more complete way. The tired rhetoric of “just forgive and forget” or “you better forgive or God won’t forgive you” really rubbed me the wrong way. Comments like that seemed “cheap.” It dismissed the individual’s pain from the incident and seemed condone the perpetrator’s acts. His illustration helped me tremendously with this so I wanted to share it with you.

Volf says forgiveness is like a present. It is given as a gift to another. People are happy to take the gift of forgiveness…but they have to open the box in order to receive it fully. On the inside of the box is the accusation of wrong-doing. In order to take the gift of forgiveness, the offender must take the responsibility for the fact that his or her decision crushed the heart of another. Forgiveness is not only a gift – it’s a scathing indictment.

Similarly, receiving forgiveness requires us to admit that we need to be forgiven. Obviously this is true with the gift of the cross. We receive forgiveness from Christ after we admit that we need that forgiveness. And that’s usually the hardest part. Though we are happy to do this with Jesus, what about with each other? That was my question. How do I grant forgiveness without giving the impression that I condone the betrayal? That’s when I begin to understand that forgiveness happens in stages – it’s a process. A Christian needs to extend  forgiveness to others, but that doesn’t mean their forgiveness will be fully received, simply because of the indictment it contains.

So, what we find mostly among people is partial forgiveness. The victim has forgiven but the accused refuses blame. Or the accused qualifies their actions were necessary for some greater good – something more important than the victim’s betrayal. Or the accused dies before forgiveness can be extended to them. Or though a perpetrator desires forgiveness, the victim refuses to grant it. In all these cases, partial reconciliation is a best case scenario. Forgiveness remains in a partial state of completion. Sometimes things stay that way until the end of time – when both people can see forgiveness in the light of heaven.

So what are you saying? I’m saying that forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness should occur when both people are ready. Forgiveness is not a cheap out for either party – the accused is not let off the hook and the victim doesn’t sweep their feelings under a rug of “Christianese.” True forgiveness is more than a concession to what we were taught in Sunday school – it is about making things right. Accepting forgiveness requires the accused to take the time to regain the trust of the betrayed – that long arduous journey is part of forgiveness. Because of this, forgiveness in our fallen world happens in shades of completion. We should be patient with others as they come to terms with the cost of forgiveness.

If you receive the forgiveness of another, make sure you are willing to accept what’s inside the box…