Perception and Reality

 

I love this video. Not just for the humor but also for the insight concerning perception versus reality. Regardless of the shopper’s “honest” intention to purchase a product, the perception of stealing was greater. Obviously, this is an exaggerated case – but we bump up against this idea constantly in daily life. People weigh our intentions and interpret them for us…often without asking us what our true intentions are. And for many, perception is reality. I’ve had some well-meaning people tell me that before. And why not believe it? In a world of spin and sound bites, we’ve been trained to care about the cover, not the book. But buying into that mentality will not only have you unsuccessfully judging the intentions of others, it will haunt you – we look over our shoulder and second-guess how our intentions are regarded by others. And if you think for a minute that posturing and politic will stop others from thinking the worst about you, you’ve got a long life ahead of you…

But here is the bottom line: perception is not reality…no  matter how hard we try to make it so.

Christians steeped in grace have learned this. We have nothing to offer anyone, especially God. Of course, to embark upon a life of authenticity requires us to give up the right to defend our reputations and intentions. It requires us to come to grips with the fact that there are gaping holes in our character. I must admit I still want to defend myself on occasion. I read a quote by Brennan Manning the other day that I hope will stick with me for a very long time. In the Ragamuffin Gospel, he says,

“When a man or woman is truly honest (not just working at it) it is virtually impossible to insult them personally. There is nothing there to insult.”

I pray to God that I can become this person. It should be the heart’s cry of every believer. That type of openness and authenticity attracts the world to Jesus. “Reality” is the glorious revelation that in the midst of misunderstanding and wrongdoing, Jesus sees us for who we are. And he loves us without reservation. But to call it realitydoesn’t do God’s love justice. How about we just call it what it is: truth. Jean Danielou in The Scandal of Truth wrote: “Truth consists in the mind’s giving to things the importance they have in reality.” In other words, truth occurs when we purposefully rearrange our perceptions about others so that they mirror what God believes about them.  Jesus must do this in us before we can do this for others.

It’s a little late for New Year’s proclamations, but choosing to live in the reality of God’s love rather than by the perceptions of others is at the top of my list this coming year. It’s becoming an annual quest for me. To move away from it would be to move away from the foundation of the Christian walk. Along the way, I have lost my footing in this truth. Thankfully, (for now) I’ve regained it. May we all find spiritual traction in the reality of God’s love this coming year.

All Grace Is “Greasy Grace”

I read a really unsettling book a while back: Between Noon and Three by Episcopal Priest Robert Farrar Capon. The book explored the notion of God’s grace using two “parables”: an affair between a professor and an older student and a murder by the mob. Yeah, I know – crazy. But it works. Capon is a wonderful writer with a great sense of humor. His book reminded me of something I realized several years ago.

After I went to a weekend spiritual retreat called Tres Dias (similar to Walk to Emmaus or Cursillo), I was talking to Beth on the way home. “Grace is so dangerous,” I said. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Well, grace is given freely without strings attached. Ever. I’ve never been able to preach that simply for the reason that people may take advantage of the grace of God. The minister in me screams not to tell the congregation, simply because all leverage for moral conformity will be lost. They are free to abuse grace based on God’s design alone.” Beth said, “I don’t know what I think about that.”  “I don’t know either. But if I’m gonna teach the reality of God’s grace, I’m gonna have to come to terms with the fact that in God’s understanding, all grace is greasy grace, no matter what stipulations others may attach to it.” My supportive and loving wife told me to be careful as to the practical outworkings of such a notion, and that was the end of that.

But the truth is grace is dangerous. And there is only one type of grace: greasy. Now, you may have never heard of “greasy grace” but it’s a staple sermon illustration in the South. Greasy grace is the term to describe those people that take the grace of God and then live like the devil. People who cry out to God in distress but ignore him in times of comfort. In other words, greasy grace occurs when someone abuses the liberty that God gives us as Christians. I’m sure you can think of a hundred examples of what that may look like.

But here’s the reality of the free grace of God. For grace to truly be grace, permissive license and abuse must be an option. Otherwise it’s merely a suspension of moral law. The consequences are lifted, but only for a time – then the other shoe drops and we pay for our misdeeds. And that’s when some helpful person inevitably says, “Be sure your sins will find you out!” But let’s face it: it’s not grace until someone really gets away with it. Moralists hate that idea – it robs them of all control. Honestly though, people get away with things all the time. And the other shoe rarely drops. Instant Karma doesn’t getcha. We get away with all manner of sin, evil, and inconsiderate behavior.

I think we often mix up grace and moral law. Though we’d like for one to point to the other, they don’t. Apples and oranges, people. You see, moral law points to grace, but it can never save us. Yet, we think yelling, ranting, and preaching moral instruction will save us. Educate, educate, educate! But in the end, moral law merely points out why we need Jesus…but it doesn’t bring us to him. Grace does. Grace, not moral law, saves us.

Capon uses this illustration in his book. Grace is like the fire department. Now the building inspector (moral law) may cite you twenty times for breaking the fire code. But when your house goes up in flames, the fire department still responds every time, whether you’ve been warned or not. A fireman never walks up to a burning house and reads off  the violations to the owner. Reminding, educating, cajoling, shaming, and guilting doesn’t stop the flames. Nope…the fireman runs past the owner and puts out the fire. Rescue is his business.

The bystanders watching the burning house could easily see the rescue as permission for the owner’s unwillingness to “follow the rules.” And the homeowner could certainly take the rescue as permission to violate the fire code again. The only person who doesn’t see it that way is the fireman that put out the flames. And that’s how God is. People may take permission but the rescuer never gives it. That doesn’t stop them from abusing grace…but neither does it stop God from giving it. The risk is inherent to the gift. Though law and grace can work together, grace is always the bigger of the two. Not because we’re worth the effort but because of the matchless generosity of the Father.

“Grace Revealed,” Part 3

And there’s one more area that grace can impact our daily lives. And that’s having a grace-filled church. Churches often receive a bad rep nowadays. You hear comments about how people “love Jesus, but hate the church.” I’m not so sure God feels that way. In fact, the Bible seems to be pretty clear that God thinks the church – with all its judgment, criticism, gossip, and pride – is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. A perfect and radiant bride for whom he would do anything…even die a horrible death.

So, what does a grace-filled church look like? I’ve got a couple of ideas, but let me illustrate with another story about children. My two older daughters are pretty steady kids. They don’t overreact too much when they don’t get their way. So, when they started school, I noticed something that completely threw me for a loop. When I would pick up the girls, buckle them in their seats and drive off, they would both start crying…I’m talking about emotionally falling apart, people! I couldn’t figure out why this was happening. I scolded them for crying. I bribed them with candy. I tried to get them to sing songs with me. Nothing worked! I asked our caretaker if the same thing happened with her. She smirked and told me they saved that especially for me! This went on for several months…until finally I read something interesting in a parenting book. Children often withhold their emotional reactions to the day’s events until they are most secure – in this case, with a parent. In other words, my daughters were saving their true feeling for a time when they felt safest: with their daddy.

People look to churches for the same thing. For a church, there’s a simple formula as well: grace = safe. More than just a Methodist compliance statement, God has called the church to be a “safe sanctuary” for everyone who comes here. In a grace-filled church, people can fall apart and it’s okay. It’s fine for people to struggle. To confess. To grieve. To share their deepest hurts without fear of it being immediately placed on the gossip vine. It takes a long time for someone to give their trust and confidence to another. And it only takes one moment for that trust to be shattered. Like my daughters, people intuitively know when their church becomes a place where it is no longer safe to share.

What does a grace-filled church look like? It values the feelings of others. It creates ways for people to be open and honest about their struggles. It believes the best about others, even when there may be evidence to the contrary. It encourages and lifts up those who are hurting. It ministers to people who don’t fit the mold rather than distancing itself from them. It focuses on the important things in life rather than obsessing over trivialities. In other words, like Numbers 6, it’s a church with a smile on its face…only because the smile is genuine. It reflects the gracious glory of God with the same terms that describe its Maker: favorable, pleasant, generous, kind, concerned for other’s well-being, beautiful, benevolent, and full of gratitude. Are we a grace-filled church? I think so. Are there ways we can become a more gracious church? A safe house for hurting people? Sure there are. There’s always room to grow.

So, how does this happen? How do we become a grace-filled person, family, and church? Well, this may sound a little simplistic, but there’s no quick fix or magic formula. Grace fills our lives simply by letting Christ do those things through us. To be grace-filled toward others, we must first accept grace for ourselves. We must learn to live in a grace-filled relationship with Christ. That means that we stop keeping rules for God and learn to rest in his arms. It means we must first be open with God before we can be open with others. It means we allow God’s healing grace access to every detail of our lives. For then and only then can we show graciousness to others in the smallest of ways.

And that’s the problem for many people who don’t live grace-filled lives toward others. It’s because they have never received grace for themselves. They’ve never released themselves from their own tyrannical expectations. They never collapsed in the arms of Jesus because they were too busy trying to impress him. I suppose that’s what Catholic monk Thomas Merton was talking about. He said, “If we believe God is a stern, cold lawgiver who has no real interest in us, who is merely a ruler, lord, and judge and not a father, we will have great difficulty living the Christian life.” And if the Christian life is anything, it’s a life of grace.

Why were those early Christians willing to joyously shout “Grace to you!” as they passed each other in the street? They realized that despite their flaws and failures, God was smiling at them. That may be difficult for some of you right now as post-Christmas blues set in. Christmas is not the easiest time for many people. But what I hope you walk away with this morning is this: when God looks at you – this morning, right where you are – he smiles at you, too. He always gives us the benefit of the doubt. Do you want to put God in a good mood? Start spending time with him. And as we are given a revelation of grace in Jesus Christ, it captures our imagination. It focuses our attention. And gradually we become grace-filled just like the gracious God who created us for friendship with him.

“Grace Revealed,” Part 2

You may be saying, “That’s all fine and good, Sam. But how does that apply to my daily life?” So, let’s explore some ways that serving a grace-filled God impacts our lives. First up: what does it mean to be grace-filled people? As a parent some of my most basic examples of Christian living come from my interactions with my children. And somewhere along the line I learned about what parenting experts call “retreating with dignity.” Children make mistakes all the time.  Some parents choose to put their children on the spot, accusing them of making a mistake. Sometimes that works. Other times, all that does is intimidate the child into lying.

But when you allow a child to “retreat with dignity,” you give them ample opportunities to right their wrongs. You give them the chance to do right thing rather than immediately confronting them. When children feel they can trust the adult, they will open up to them. That’s difficult for parents to do – it requires humility, patience, self-control, and a certain leveraging of authority. Here’s a personal example. Sometimes our children tell us they have brushed their teeth when really, they haven’t been in the bathroom long enough to do so. And, certainly, there was no toothpaste involved. We can react one of two ways. We can say, “I know you didn’t brush your teeth – there wasn’t enough time! Get back in there!” Or we can say, “Wow, that was quick! Do you need another minute to brush some more?” the second one allows a child to retreat with dignity – without shame and condemnation.

Really, as grace-filled people, we have the same options. Do we strong-arm people into confessions of guilt or do we allow the Holy Spirit to convict? Chances are we’ve had plenty of chances to overlook the ingratitude and inappropriate remarks of others during the holidays, right? Listen to some scriptures about being grace-filled people in moments of great annoyance:

A foolish person shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. (Prov. 12:16)

A person’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Prov. 19:11)

Peter, the disciple known for sticking the proverbial foot in his mouth, echoes Proverbs:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 4:8-11)

That’s the definition of graciousness – what grace looks like when Christians display it. It’s giving someone the benefit of the doubt, knowing that God will correct them in his timing, not ours.

So, what’s another area where grace can impact practical living? How about our family life? It’s normally our spouses and children that bear the brunt of our graceless words and actions. And that’s part of being a family. But what about a grace-filled family? What would a family centered on grace look like? Well, for families, there’s a simple formula: grace = space. Family members need space to be who they are, to make mistakes, and feel unconditionally loved in the process. And for that to happen, several things have to go out the window.

First, spouses and children have to be free of unspoken expectations about who they must be. All parents have expectations for their children…and spouses have expectations for one another. But when family members are held to a standard they do not know about much less are able to meet, defeat and resentment set in. Second, a grace-filled family is free of control and manipulation. One family member cannot hold the others “hostage” through intimidation, guilt, shame, emotional outbursts, and the like. To do so undercuts the trust and respect that God desires as the foundation of each family.

Does that mean that we shouldn’t have standards of behavior and consequences for our children? I’m not saying that at all. But how we apply those standards makes all the difference in the world. Once again, look at Jesus. He derived the same results as the Pharisees, but did so in a way that promoted love and freedom rather than legalism and fear. Likewise, a grace-filled family has the following qualities. Spouses work as a team rather than assign blame. They don’t drudge up past failures. They defer to each other and are more interested in what’s best for everyone involved. And finally, they allow God to do the correcting, not each other. Do we as parents as spouses have moments where cajoling, threatening, and manipulation occur? Sure. But for families walking in grace towards one another, those can be the exception – not the rule.

“Grace Revealed,” Part 1

Grace Revealed

12/27/09 (listen here)

2 Timothy 1:8-10

Today as part of our final Sunday in 2009, we’re going to talk about grace. Grace. Funny word, huh? It means different things to different people. It’s a pretty name. It describes someone with poise – someone who carries themselves well in social circles. Some people “say grace” at the dinner table. Then, there’s the spiritual definition. And that’s probably the most confusing of all. What is grace exactly? It’s often thrown around in the same category as mercy, or peace, or righteousness. Just another spiritual term that sounds abstract to us.

So, what is grace? Well, I always grew up hearing the standard definition “unmerited favor.” That didn’t make any sense either! But if you go back to the original languages of the Bible – Hebrew and Greek – then the picture becomes a little clearer.  In the Old Testament the word means favorable, elegant, pleasant, generous, kind, enjoyable. The word picture given is of someone who when you see them, you can tell they are in a good mood just by the look on their face. We can see this idea in a famous Old Testament passage – Numbers 6: “May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.”

To match these ideas in the Greek language, the New Testament writers borrowed a secular term: charis most often used in festive settings. People would raise their glasses and toast saying, “Grace!” similar to saying Salud! or Cheers! or Prost! Or even the infamous “Bottoms up!” The word meant health, favor, beauty, goodwill, benevolence, and gratitude. Christians would walk down the street and exclaim “Grace to you!” Life is good! We’re forgiven! God is smiling over us!

So, why all the fuss? Why were the earliest Christians so joyous about their faith? I see Christians today and often think about how unhappy they seem. Sure, they’re doing all the right things…but there’s no joy. They often serve God as if it requires us to walk around on egg shells. That God at best merely tolerates us. I believe it’s because they may not understand exactly what it means to serve a grace-filled God.

You see, when we say that God is a God of grace, that means that those qualities we mentioned before also describe our relationship with him: favorable, pleasant, generous, kind, concerned for our well-being, beautiful, benevolent, and full of gratitude. It means that God not only loves you…but that he likes you. He’s not tolerating you and rolling his eyes when we inconvenience him. He’s not impatient with our mistakes and condescending. When God thinks about you, he smiles. Time spent with you puts God in a good mood. God is a God who always gives us the benefit of the doubt. He’s the perpetual optimist.

Now, some people don’t like that idea. They think it makes God look weak. A stern God works better for them. God is better seen as the enforcer. As if we need someone to remind us of how bad things can be for us if we don’t fall in line. And though that type of “divine disciplinarian” can change our behavior for a while…it doesn’t transform our hearts. Let me put it to you this way: you may be thankful for the policeman who keeps us safe. You may also be thankful that he turns onto another road after he’s been following you for a mile or so. But when was the last time you turned your car around, followed him down that road and invited him to dinner? And that’s the difference. We can be thankful for an enforcer – but that doesn’t mean he’s your friend.

And for me, that’s the “take home” lesson of the Advent season. Jesus became human to help us understand who he was. Up until that point there had been a good deal of miscommunication about who God was. Sometimes in the Old Testament, we have a beautifully shining picture of God “smiling over us” (like in Numbers 6). But other times we get a partial view of God, the best that the Israelites could give at the time. The picture of God was not totally clear. He’d be kind and gracious interacting with one person and then angry and violent in his next human encounter. And it leaves us with a view of an unpredictable and untrustworthy God. One day God is in a good mood and another day he’s in a bad mood.

And that’s why Jesus came: to clear up the confusion. You see, extreme miscommunication requires extreme clarification. And that’s what Jesus is for us. Jesus is God making things clear. Curious as to the character and nature of almighty God? Look no further than Jesus. Jesus is “grace revealed.” After all, Jesus said in John 14 that if you have observed him – how he treats others, how he compassionately heals the sick, how he pours his life into his friends – then you have a pretty good idea of what God looks like. In Jesus’ ministry, we see the definitions of “grace”: favorable, pleasant, generous, kind, compassionate, beautiful, benevolent, and full of gratitude. Jesus is the grace-filled God. A God who gives the benefit of the doubt. A divine optimist who believes that the good work he began in you will be completed (Phil. 1:6). It’s also why the author of Hebrews reminds us to fix our eyes on Jesus, “the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” (NLT).

All Grace Is “Greasy Grace”

I just finished a really unsettling book: “Between Noon and Three” by Episcopal Priest Robert Farrar Capon. The book explored the notion of God’s grace using two “parables”: an affair between a professor and an older student and a murder by the mob. Yeah, I know – crazy. But it works. Capon is a wonderful writer with a great sense of humor. His book reminded me of something I realized several years back.

After I went to a weekend spiritual retreat called Tres Dias (similar to Walk to Emmaus or Cursillo), I was talking to Beth on the way home. “Grace is so dangerous,” I said. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Well, grace is given freely without strings attached. Ever. I’ve never been able to preach that simply for the reason that people may take advantage of the grace of God. The minister in me screams not to tell the congregation, simply because all leverage for moral conformity will be lost. They are free to abuse grace based on God’s design alone.” Beth said, “I don’t know what I think about that.”  “I don’t know either. But if I’m gonna teach the reality of God’s grace, I’m gonna have to come to terms with the fact that in God’s understanding, all grace is greasy grace, no matter what stipulations others may attach to it.” My supportive and loving wife told me to be careful as to the practical outworkings of such a notion, and that was the end of that.

But the truth is grace is dangerous. And there is only one type of grace: greasy. Now, you may have never heard of “greasy grace” but it’s a staple sermon illustration in the South. Greasy grace is the term to describe those people that take the grace of God and then live like the devil. People who cry out to God in distress but ignore him in times of comfort. In other words, greasy grace occurs when someone abuses the liberty that God gives us as Christians. I’m sure you can think of a hundred examples of what that may look like.

But here’s the reality of the free grace of God. For grace to truly be grace, permissive license and abuse must be an option. Otherwise it’s merely a suspension of moral law. The consequences are lifted, but only for a time – then the other shoe drops and we pay for our misdeeds. And that’s when some helpful person inevitably says, “Be sure your sins will find you out!” But let’s face it: it’s not grace until someone really gets away with it. Moralists hate that idea – it robs them of all control. Honestly though, people get away with things all the time. And the other shoe rarely drops. Instant Karma doesn’t getcha. We get away with all manner of sin, evil, and inconsiderate behavior.

I think we often mix up grace and moral law. Though we’d like for one to point to the other, they don’t. Apples and oranges, people. See, moral law points to grace, but it can never save us. Yet, we think yelling, ranting, and preaching moral instruction will save us. Educate, educate, educate! But in the end, moral law merely points out why we need Jesus…but it doesn’t bring us to him. Grace does. Grace, not moral law, saves us.

Capon uses this illustration in his book. Grace is like the fire department. Now the building inspector (moral law) may cite you twenty times for breaking the fire code. But when your house goes up in flames, the fire department still responds every time, whether you’ve been warned or not. A fireman never walks up to a burning house and begins to read the violations to the owner. Reminding, educating, cajoling, shaming, and guilting doesn’t stop the flames. Nope, the fireman runs past the owner and puts out the fire. Rescue (not education) is his business.

The bystanders watching the burning house could easily see the rescue as permission for the owner’s unwillingness to “follow the rules.” And the homeowner could certainly take the rescue as permission to violate the fire code again. The only person who doesn’t see it that way is the fireman that put out the flames. And that’s how God is. People may take permission but the rescuer never gives it. That doesn’t stop them from abusing grace…but neither does it stop God from giving it. The risk is inherent to the gift. Though law and grace can work together, grace is always the bigger of the two. Not because we’re worth the effort but because of the matchless generosity of the Father.